Guy (33M) "congratulated" my (23F) directness after I expressed frustration, then told me "I don't care."
I (23F) moved to Italy recently. I’m a business owner and teacher, so I’m naturally a very direct person. I’ve been talking to a local guy (33M) for a month, and I am currently in tears and second-guessing my own sanity. I am incredibly unsure if I’m right to be mad or if I’m totally misreading a cultural difference.
I was very patient because he constantly told me he was a "busy man." I even checked in with a mutual friend who told me to "just be patient." I gave him signs and eventually told him to his face that I liked him. I invited him for coffee, and he replied: "We will do it sooner or later ;)". I took this as a sign. He went from high interest to almost nothing. When I asked if anything had changed, he dismissed me with: "Nothing's changed. Simple as that."
Despite the energy shift, in person he brushed off the tension saying, "No no no, we’re good," and then asked, "Chess this weekend?" I thought he was finally stepping up. But when I followed up to confirm, he shut it down: "Nope, weekends are busier than ever."
Today, I finally told him I was "f***ing tired" of the vagueness and the lack of intentionality. He apologised and then he "congratulated" me on being so direct. He told me he values directness and respects people for it.
He told me I don't understand Italy and that here "anything can be a date" and he's just being an "intentional" Italian man. He mentioned he "hangs out with a lot of girls" which okay. He told me "Please don't be mad" followed immediately by "It's not my problem, I don't care."
I feel like my integrity has been insulted. He "congratulated" my directness while I was literally expressing hurt, and then told me "simple as that" to make me feel like I was imagining the shift in his behavior.
Am I being gaslit? Is it normal for a guy to praise your "honesty" while simultaneously dismissing your feelings as "not his problem"? I feel like I've lost my sense of what is reasonable.