Hi reddit Very sorry for the long read ahead. I'm very new to this place so I apologize for breaking any rules on here and for any grammar mistakes as english isn't my first language and I suck at it a lot. I've been listening to smosh's reddit podcast for a while now so I thought I'd come here for some advice about a situation that has happened to me this month.
Backstory: I met this girl Sally at my university and we got along great right from the start. We both had similar interests and similar character, so i think it was inevitable.
Onto the problem: i am a little bit of an airhead. I don't look around and have horrible spatial awareness (as in I don't notice people if I don't make it a point to, have horrible geographical awareness, i forget things almost instantly...etc). For example, I once apparently passed right by Sally without seeing her at all, and I found this out when she texted me hours after the situation. Me and Sally go to the same library after classes to study, so every time I happen to go there, I make it a point to text her just in case she is also.
The first incident happened one morning when I texted Sally, telling her that I'd be in the library and asking if she would also be going (we don't have the same classes, and therefore we have different schedules). She told me she would also be there. Once I arrived, I left my things further down inside the library and left to buy something from the store nearby. As I was picking stuff (cant remember exactly what but i think it mightve been an energy drink or a candy bar) I got a dm from her asking "why I passed by her" and "why i didnt sit next to her". I was surprised cause i didnt even know she was there in the first place, so I apologized a lot and told her it wasnt intentional and once i finished buying stuff, I went back in the library, I moved and sat next to her.
I think that by then she learned how much I don't notice things, so starting from then Sally would send occasional pictures of her sitting place in the library when I'd ask if she'd be there, that way I wouldn't pass her by and would know where she was.
The incident repeated one more time. A day before it, we talked about both going in this new library that was built nearby. She had previously been there a few times, I on the other hand, haven't. The next day, she arrived early and had texted me a picture of her sitting place. I have to be honest, i didnt even notice she had sent that picture until I revisited the conversation hours later.
Anyway, I got there a few hours after she had arrived and reserved a place at the front desk. The guy gave me a number and directed me towards one of the reading rooms within the library. I was lost, confused, was having a strong headache that day and was also on this medication that slows reaction time and makes you feel like you're underwater all the time. Anyway, I had walked in the wrong room. There was another girl sitting in the place with the same number I was given, and the girl thankfully turned out to be another friend of mine. She told me I was in the wrong reading room and seeing how lost i was, got up and took me to the right place. I thanked her and she left. Once i sat down at my correct place in the correct reading room, I texted Sally that i had arrived and summarized what had happened. She responded by saying that she didnt like it when people act like an idiot the way I do and said that if I didnt want to study next to her that I could have just said so. Turns out, she was in the first study room I entered by mistake and I didn't even notice her.
I immediately started apologizing, I got so anxious and panicked that I had fucked the friendship up and texted her long paragraphs about how I didnt mean to hurt her, that I was being genuinely stupid, that I wouldn't be texting her if I didnt want to study with her, and that I hoped this wouldn't ruin our friendship. I scrolled back through the messages like a few times and finally noticed the picture she had sent the same morning of her sitting place. She didn't respond to my paragraphs and only said that "we would talk later". Later never came.
I left the library after fourty minutes because I couldn't sit upright anymore and did no studying as I was freaking out and feeling dead at the same time. Anyhow, I stopped pestering her because I figured she'd be busy studying and I didn't want to be extra dead weight and bother her.
A week later I texted her, asking her if we were okay. She affirmed and we decided to go out for drinks to talk about what happened and hash things out.
The day we decided on, I got ready two hours early because I was very nervous. I left my house to catch the train an hour and 45 minutes early because I didn't want to be late. I waited for 30 minutes and the train hadn't arrived yet. I was feeling thankful, thinking that its good I left 30 minutes early because the next train would arrive in time. The second train didn't arrive either. Now, I was starting to sweat and shake. I texted my brother, asking if he had extra money so that I could call an uber (i had enough only for the one drink I would order once I got the bar, I'm a broke uni student) because he was the only one home. To my absolute horror, he had no money either (he has no drivers licence and no car). So here I was, sitting in the sun, sweating, shaking. I texted Sally telling her I'd be late (at this point its 30 minutes until the agreed upon meeting time and the train ride to there is 45 minutes). Sally hasnt seen my message and isnt online.
I start running to the other train station, thinking I'll catch the other train and Im hoping to God I'll make it at least 15 minutes late.
My feet are hurting, my muscles are cramping (i usually dont do any physical activites) and I arrive MINUTES AFTER the new train had passed the station. Im devastated. My friend textes me, "She's there". I genuinely start crying to myself. I've fucked up this friendship. She won't forgive me this time. She'll think I'm doing this on purpose. I'm overthinking and Sally says she'll sit down nearby on a bench and wait for me.
The new train arrived. I get on finally. I calm down and text Sally that I've gotten on the train.
She tells me that she "has to cancel". I start crying again. I ask her if theres any way we can reschedule for another day. She hasn't responded to me and this was three days ago. What do I do? Is there anything I can even do to salvage this?
I dont want to lose her as a friend and my brother has been making fun of how "dramatic" im acting. He thinks Sally is angry for no reason and that I'm overthinking and that I should just ditch the friendship.
I don't know what to do. I know im the asshole in the situation, I just dont know how to fix this.
Please help. Thank you.