UPDATE: The other baby mom and I finally talked… and honestly I didn’t expect it to go the way it did.
UPDATE: We finally talked… and honestly I didn’t expect it to go the way it did.
For context, me (21F), my son’s father (23M), and his other BM (20F) all lived together last year because we were struggling financially. At the time it sounded smart financially, but emotionally? Terrible idea. Everybody was immature, emotionally attached in different ways, and trying to force something that was already messy underneath the surface.
Eventually everything blew up. I moved out, got my own place, and completely stopped talking to both of them outside of issues involving the lease or the kids. Me and her had each other blocked on literally everything except email.
The last interaction we had before this was BAD. I had emailed them because the landlord told me I needed to contact everybody about removing my name from the lease. She took it as me trying to involve myself in their life and responded very aggressively. Called me slow, implied fighting again, etc. I ignored it because at the time my life was finally improving and I didn’t wanna risk my peace.
One of the hardest parts for me after moving out was accepting that I probably wouldn’t see her son anymore. I was basically his “bonus mom” when we all lived together. I loved that little boy deeply and losing that relationship hurt way more than I admitted at the time. But eventually I made peace with not getting closure.
Then out of nowhere… she emailed me wanting to talk.
At first I was suspicious because honestly what was there left to say? The boys already see each other through their dad, everybody moved on, and I didn’t understand what making amends would change. But I agreed to talk as long as it came from a genuine place and not about drama involving our BD.
The conversation ended up being WAY more emotional than I expected.
She admitted she still carried anger, confusion, trust issues, and hurt from everything that happened while we lived together. A lot of it centered around comments I made during arguments and her fears as a mother trusting people around her child. She basically said becoming a mom changed her emotionally and certain things I said broke trust for her in a way she couldn’t just move past.
On my side, I admitted that I also felt hurt and isolated during that time. I was grieving the collapse of multiple relationships at once, trying to navigate motherhood, friendship drama, and living in a tense environment where I constantly felt like I was walking on eggshells. I told her I never intended to hurt her son and that my issues were really with the adults involved, not the kids.
We both apologized.
One thing that surprised me was hearing her admit that she’s still not over everything emotionally and is currently in therapy trying to process it all. She said she wants to eventually get to a place where she can feel safe and peaceful with her son being around me or involved in things with his brother outside of their dad. She acknowledged that she wants the boys to grow up together without adult resentment affecting them.
I also admitted that there were so many times I wanted to just say “fuck it” and fully make amends because whenever I do things with my son, I still naturally think about including her son too. I never stopped caring about him just because our friendship failed.
In the end, we basically agreed that there’s no bad blood anymore, but we’re in different emotional places. I’ve mostly made peace with everything while she’s still actively healing. For now we decided to leave things where they are and just let time do its thing.
Honestly? I didn’t expect the conversation to end with mutual accountability, understanding, and actual maturity. I thought it was gonna turn into another argument. Instead it ended with both of us acknowledging that we were two young moms caught in an emotionally messy situation trying to survive it the best way we knew how.