fear of hell and uncertainty
Ok so while i am an ex-muslim and i feel more freedom ever since but there is uncertainty within me. Growing up in a muslim environment, i think that religions in general are a very unpleasent and uncomfortable experiences for children, especially who are more sensitive.
When i was 12-13 years old, i would imagine myself waking up in the grave i.e i would imagine that i died but then when i am put inside the grave i'll wake up. I had heard that in islam when a person dies they get to wake up in the grave for questioning and i'd imagine it, being confined in a grave, darkness everywhere and i'd fear it and i'd live in a state of constant fear and i'd actually be confused about why didnt people care about it, they seem to live their life normally. Not only that, there is also HELL and tbh, even tho i know for sure that i dont think that a god may exist but imagining the possibility then i get super frustrated by god because okay if you exist then why tf did you hide the evidence? like why tf isnt it clear as daylight as the quran claimed. Honestly, i am so frustrated but at the same time scared of the possibility that islam might be true. i dont think it is but yeah and thats been going through my mind lately. People can also be co certain in their claims that religion is true and most of them dont even care, most of them just ignore it and go on with their lives but for me or ppl who basically give it attention that what if religion is true or false, it opens up a whole new rabbit hole of endless discussions and for me endless anxiety about what ifs, i try to reassure myself that it isnt but the fear of hell is still there. so i was wondering if anyone related to it and if so, how do they cope?