Why do women lose intimacy and affection once secure? M26 F27
I’m M26 and she’s F27. We have been together for 15 months and recently civilly married. We moved in together in December after being long distance for the first part.
She in general has been needier than anyone I’ve dated before and largely this was due to past relationships. She often spoke about her last relationship for first few months until I finally had enough and told her to stop talking about it. She said it was only to express bad experiences and talk about it.
Anyway I flew to see her almost monthly and had something always planned. Paid for the holidays and always the expense (take out, restaurants, day trips). There was a huge upfront investment from me to ensure she felt safe and secure. I also did so as she’s Middle Eastern and I’m British so a mix of cultures.
I noticed after the first 7/8 months our sex life began to decrease despite seeing each other when I flew over or took us on holiday. I raised it a few times and mentioned how it was not only different to how it was at the beginning, but contrary to what she said at the beginning about her sex drive. I never got a clear answer as to why.
At first she blamed PCOS so we got her bloods done to find out she doesn’t have it. Then it was never a straight answer but always a reason one way or another why we couldn’t have sex.
Now we live together I gave it the benefit of the doubt and kept quiet for months. We got civilly married as her family are religious - fine. Again I’m being super considerate.
Throughout the relationship she has always had a short fuse and can be extremely emotional. Willing to ‘end it all’ based on specific instances. But I, as a secure male, easily dealt with this and gave her the peace and security she needs. I’m very traditional and hands on. No social media activity, small social life/circle and very family orientated.
Unfortunately for me, a huge part of a relationship needs to be physical / intimacy and attraction. It’s part of where I drive my own security from. I want to be wanted by my wife. I feel like this is not too much to ask for.
My question is, has anyone else experienced this. Why does it happen? Are there any women who can give me context on it?
Honestly now I feel so fed up of the constant small rejections or positioning away from any intimacy. My patience wears thin and I don’t feel as empathetic or sympathetic to her. I now don’t do the special things or the small thoughtful things. She has noticed and does not like it.