I'm expecting a kid later this year, and I'm trying to figure out how to navigate gender in the beginning in regards to other people.
When it comes to the kid, I feel like my gut instinct is to teach the kid about how bodies work, their body and different types of bodies - basic biologi, that fits their age and level of comprehension. We have a bunch of animals to help explain, e.g. the female chickens lay eggs, the male chicken wakes you up in the morning and fertilizes the eggs so they can become chicks, and one of our hens is a hen who lays eggs but she clearly also identifies as an alarm clock...
I'm already buying baby clothes in all the colors of the rainbow, cause I think color is fun and healthy for all humans. I'm painting a colourful mural on the nursery wall with some of the animals and flowers of the farm, and I want to encourage them to play, dress and explore whatever interests they want, regardless of what "gender" box it's often put in. I basically just want them to be free to be themselves, and not be limited by gender norms.
I don't want to hide their gender from them. I've read that kids as young as 3-4 start to feel gender identity and express it. I want them to know their biology, and show them good role models and examples of people with different gender identities, so they might be able to express who they can relate to and mirror themselves in. Of course, at the level they're at. I want to encourage their self expression and celebrate it, while keeping the door open to keep exploring or changing their mind if they want.
BUT!
My gut instinct is telling me to not share their biological sex with family, friends and strangers, and protect them from all the gendered crap people force onto them without even realising. The expectations, little comments, gendered gifts and change in their tone of voice. I want the kid to be a kid, and be free of all that at least until they start kindergarten around 3-4 years old and can start to form their own opinion about it.
Does this sound nuts? To just not care and let them be babies for the first couple of years? Or do I feel like this because I desperately needed this as a kid? They're most likely going to be cis, but I don't see how it could be harmful to a cis kid to not call them by their agab pronounce in front of other people the first couple of years - and call them by their name or endeearments to them.
Would love to hear how other parents have navigated it, or just hear any opinions or experiences in general. I still struggle with my family pushing my agab onto me to this day, and it has resulted in going basically no contact. I don't want my kid to not feel seen, understood or accepted.