u/Global_Enthusiasm572

Hi everyone, I need some advice.
I am currently staying with my in-laws. I am around 5’1”, and my husband’s cousin came over. We were all joking around when she called me “bhutki” (a short person).
The first time she said it, my husband and mother-in-law completely ignored it. I thought, okay, let it go—I don’t want to create unnecessary drama.
But then she said it again. My husband calmly said, “Don’t say that.” The moment he said it, both his cousin and my mother-in-law started laughing loudly.
I felt extremely hurt and went to my room. I couldn’t stop crying and honestly didn’t know what to do. At first, my husband told me that I was overreacting. I said, “Oh, so I’m overreacting? At that moment, you couldn’t even say a word. Who is she to speak to me like that?”
Later, my husband tried to explain things to me, and eventually I calmed down and went to sleep. Before that, I told him, “I feel really hurt. This is about my self-respect. Not one of you said a single word to her. You could have stood up for me. How can she speak to me like that? No one has ever spoken to me like this before.”
He admitted, “You’re right. She shouldn’t have said that, and I should have said something too.”
I told him, “Please don’t expect me to behave with everyone exactly the way I used to. I need some time.”
I went to bed and started using my phone to distract myself. Suddenly, my husband said, “Because of you, my head is hurting. In what family does joking not happen?”
I said, “So just because people are joking, does that mean they can cross every limit? She is your cousin. If someone insulted you, I would immediately stand up for you and give it back to them. But you just watched while I was being insulted.”
He started shouting and said, “Then go and fight with everyone. Create a scene. Go right now.”
I told him, “If I wanted to create a scene, I would have done it at that exact moment. But no one was even listening to me.”
He kept shouting, so in anger I put my hand over his mouth to stop him. He suddenly twisted my hand very forcefully. I felt intense pain and honestly thought my hand might be broken. I started crying uncontrollably.
Even then, he thought I was just pretending or being dramatic.
What should I do now? Am I overreacting, or was I right to feel hurt?

My younger brother-in-law had his roka ceremony, so my husband went home for it. I did not go because the flight tickets were very expensive, and we both thought it was not going to be a big function. We assumed that when the engagement or a bigger ceremony happens, I would attend then.

What hurt me the most was that my family (my parents’ side) was not invited or even informed about the roka. In my family, whenever there is any event, my husband’s family is always informed and respected, so this felt very one-sided to me.

When I expressed that I was upset, my husband said I was overreacting and troubling him the whole day while he was at home. He said he forgot to tell me because nothing was fixed earlier, but the truth is the roka had already been planned. When I said that even if he forgot, my mother-in-law could have informed my family, he said she forgot too and that I should have reminded them myself. Somehow, he turned it into my fault.

Later in the evening, I had a slightly raised-voice conversation with my mother-in-law because I was already feeling hurt. My husband again blamed me for that too.

Then someone in the family group shared pictures, and that is when I found out rings were exchanged and it was a proper roka ceremony. Nobody had told me anything directly. I felt even worse seeing it through pictures instead of hearing it from family.

When I told my husband that at least my mother-in-law could have informed me about the ring exchange and ceremony details, he again said I was thinking unnecessarily and creating problems.

Now I feel confused and hurt. I don’t know how to explain that I am not wrong for feeling bad about being left out and not being informed.