My younger brother-in-law had his roka ceremony, so my husband went home for it. I did not go because the flight tickets were very expensive, and we both thought it was not going to be a big function. We assumed that when the engagement or a bigger ceremony happens, I would attend then.
What hurt me the most was that my family (my parents’ side) was not invited or even informed about the roka. In my family, whenever there is any event, my husband’s family is always informed and respected, so this felt very one-sided to me.
When I expressed that I was upset, my husband said I was overreacting and troubling him the whole day while he was at home. He said he forgot to tell me because nothing was fixed earlier, but the truth is the roka had already been planned. When I said that even if he forgot, my mother-in-law could have informed my family, he said she forgot too and that I should have reminded them myself. Somehow, he turned it into my fault.
Later in the evening, I had a slightly raised-voice conversation with my mother-in-law because I was already feeling hurt. My husband again blamed me for that too.
Then someone in the family group shared pictures, and that is when I found out rings were exchanged and it was a proper roka ceremony. Nobody had told me anything directly. I felt even worse seeing it through pictures instead of hearing it from family.
When I told my husband that at least my mother-in-law could have informed me about the ring exchange and ceremony details, he again said I was thinking unnecessarily and creating problems.
Now I feel confused and hurt. I don’t know how to explain that I am not wrong for feeling bad about being left out and not being informed.