A huge pattern i found throughout my life was an inability to maintain friendships or getting the vibe that people dislike me for no comprehensible reason, and as I’ve gotten older, I’ve made a real conscious effort to mask my most offputting traits and have managed to form warmer relationships that I find very fulfilling, so to me, it’s worth the masking and it now feels incredibly natural and kind of like disability management.
I joined a new community earlier this year and for a while everything felt great! I made a real effort to nourish friendships and I feel like I’ve not said or done anything offputting; I take an interest in their lives, ask questions, join conversations, try so hard not to be as outspoken or socially/ morally righteous as I naturally am as I know that’s a huge turn off, and genuinely felt like I was doing a really good job at being ‘normal.’ Again, it felt natural, not like I was forcing anything or not being myself - just being aware of how I was presenting to others and toning myself down a bit.
All of a sudden, it feels like most of the group really doesn’t like me and I genuinely genuinely can’t figure out why. My messages/ responses are being widely ignored and I just feel a shift in attitudes towards me. I’m not sure if I’m reading too much into things, but the patterns seem too glaring to ignore.
I know there’s no way for anyone here to know why this has happened, but it’s driving me insane and making me really sad because it was like a switch and I can’t figure out what that breaking point could have possibly been. If anyone’s had similar experiences or can theorise this situation I’d love to know, I just feel really rubbish & confused 😢