I think I’ve gotten myself into something way more complicated than I ever expected, and I really need outside perspective.
I’ve been seeing a man for about 11 months who is 26 years older than me. He’s married—and I knew that from the beginning. He told me he hasn’t slept with his wife since 2003 and that they basically just coexist with no real relationship left. I know that’s a cliché, and I didn’t fully believe it at first, but over time I let myself accept it.
For context, both of them are attorneys, and I work as a legal assistant in the same general community. So this isn’t some anonymous situation—there’s overlap, and people talk.
What started as something casual turned into something emotional for me. I didn’t expect to get attached, but I did. And now I feel stuck between what I feel and what this actually is in reality.
Here’s where things have escalated: apparently people in town have told his wife about us. From what I’ve heard, she’s now actively trying to catch us together. That’s made everything feel a lot more real and honestly a lot more stressful.
It’s not just about feelings anymore—it’s about reputation, careers, and potential fallout. I’m starting to feel like I underestimated how messy this could get, especially given the legal world we’re all connected to.
At the same time… he’s still married. Nothing has changed in 11 months. No separation, no clear plan, just the same situation continuing while I get more emotionally invested.
I guess what I’m struggling with now is:
- Am I being completely naive believing his version of things?
- If he hasn’t made any real move in almost a year, is that basically my answer?
- How bad could this get professionally if things blow up?
- And honestly… how do you even start to walk away when you’re this emotionally involved?
I’m not looking for validation. I think I already know this situation isn’t good. I just need honest perspectives from people who aren’t in the middle of it.