TW: ED, SA
For context, I (23F) have been very close friends with two other girls (23F). I met friend A over 10 years ago and met friend B in undergrad. We lived together as roommates for a few years, and they have always been my best friends. I understand it’s easy to skew a story toward my perspective, so I will aim to keep it as objective as I can.
All of us are graduating with our masters this semester (yay), and decided to take a couple of photos with each other with all of our grad regalia. Immediately when they met up, friend A and B complimented each other on their bodies and how skinny the other person looked. This is a usual occurrence that I overlook, but on a day where we were celebrating each other’s achievements it definitely made me feel a bit sad. What made it sting in particular is that my friends know I have had a history with an eating disorder, and lately in recovery, I have gained some weight back. As they took photos of each other, they hyped each other up as friends do, but again, I just noticed radio silence when it was my turn to be in the photos.
In another instance, friend B told me that I was “thin for a short person.” When I asked what that meant, she told me that short girls typically hold more weight and tend to be wider. I was taken aback because I am a size 0 and 5’4, which really isn’t large by any means. I have always been the largest out of us 3, which I’ve come to accept, but this incident was just very hard on me mentally.
It will also be smaller things; a few weeks ago, they were discussing what to wear when going out tomorrow night. I thought this was hypothetical until I pieced together they had made plans with each other that I wasn’t invited to. I wasn’t provided any context and had to come to my conclusion myself. I’m completely fine with my friends hanging out one-on-one without me, but it felt rude because this discussion of what to wear went on for 30 minutes.
I’m unsure if I am insecure and reading into a topic that’s sensitive to me, but my boyfriend and other friends have repeatedly told me that A and B are at best, oblivious and rude, or at worst, just don’t respect me.
We have a very long history together, and they helped me through many times, including when I was assaulted and when I was diagnosed with depression a few years ago. I am also rather introverted by nature and never branched out too much in undergrad, so it’s difficult to accept my two closest friends don’t respect me. They are kind to me in other ways, but I constantly feel that they pass judgment on my body in private.