I'm disgusting
At school, they all wore tiny skirts, sometimes with nothing up them which they thought was funny to do and was against the school rules. I'd get flashed all the time at the age of like 12 to 17 which grossed me out all the same, but things are changing
These flashes did damage to me when I was young, but no-one would listen to me because I'm male. This lead to me no longer being able to cry. I'd get punished for telling them what was happening and all the things I didn't like, but even with visual evidence they'd never listen. So I used to just hide from them when I was younger because it just thought it was gross.
Now I'm 17 and really going through the peak of puberty; meaning I have higher testosterone and have biologically forced opinions of them. When I'm normal, I'm scared of them. They frighten me because all they've ever brought me is trouble and trauma. But when I'm alone at night, things go horribly wrong.
With no restrictions to the internet, I can explore some of the strangest things. Meaning disgusting fetishes like skirts and tight clothing. I shouldn't find those sexy, they're normal clothes for girls. I see posts saying that girls should be allowed to walking around in whatever they want, if not then it's oppression. But tighter clothing and revealing things turn me on. I know I'm disgusting and foul for it but I can't get rid of it.
I'll put restrictions on myself like internet access, no more VPN, delete accounts and blacklist websites, but to no avail. I just keep going back to it. The disgusting version of me likes those fetishes like skirts and tight/revealing stuff. None of my family know, and I'm scared that they're going to find me out.
I know what happens to people like me and what they deserve and I'm scared. I'm not like this, I don't want to be like this, I want to change it and am struggling. As they themselves will tell you, girls do not deserve to be looked at like that. I don't know what's wrong with me, nor do I know if others go through what I do and it's leading me to not wanting to be here anymore.