I [25F] have been with my boyfriend [25M] for 4 years. We met in college during spring break and did medium distance for about a year before moving in together. Our relationship has been really strong overall. I say that to give context I’m not typically a jealous person, but I do value transparency, which I think is pretty standard in a relationship. I’m also not someone who tries to control who their partner can or can’t talk to.
My boyfriend is also a super friendly / bubbly guy, he makes friends with everyone. he has strong relationships and is just genuinely a good guy. My boyfriend has been working at this company for about 2 years now, just last year he got promoted to a position that he really enjoys. The department he is in is really small only 5 or 6 people are in, therefor they all became really close. They have a groupchat, have gotten drinks after work, dinners etc.
This started about a year ago when I first met one of his coworkers we’ll call her Megan. She came to my boyfriend’s birthday with another coworker, Tim. From what I saw that night, Megan and Tim seemed pretty flirty and touchy, and when I spoke to her, she never mentioned having a boyfriend. So I assumed they were talking.
A few weeks later, I asked my boyfriend if Megan and Tim were still a thing, and that’s when he told me she’s actually been in a relationship for 7-8 years. That surprised me and, honestly, made me a little uncomfortable knowing he works closely with her.
Fast forward to a few months ago I started feeling uneasy about how often she was texting him. Something just felt off. When I asked if they were close at work, I found out they interact more than I realized he’ll sometimes drive her places, bring her lunch, etc. None of it sounds huge on its own, but it caught me off guard because this had been going on for months and had never really been mentioned. I really value honesty and transparency, so that’s where some of my discomfort is coming from.
We did have a conversation about this because I felt uncomfortable that he has been driving her and doing her favors seemingly. He said that he was sorry and would set boundaries with her so I didn't feel uncomfortable with this. I obviously cannot ask his to not talk to her because they work together, but it feels like she is always wanting his attention. She will text him late at night, she has a "cute" nickname for him at work. Its just weird to me.
This brings me to the present. We recently went to one of his work events, and I was already feeling a bit anxious since I hadn’t seen Megan in about a year. While my boyfriend and I were sitting together, she came up behind me, scratched my arm to get my attention, said ‘hi, it’s nice to see you,’ and gave me a quick hug. She then immediately hugged my boyfriend, and after I spoke to her briefly, she turned her back to me and focused entirely on him.
That was the first moment that felt off. I had just gotten back from a work trip and hadn’t seen my boyfriend in a few days, so I was hoping to spend time with him. It felt pretty obvious that she didn’t really acknowledge that, and instead kept trying to pull his attention.
Later on, I was talking to another girl while my boyfriend was at the bar getting a drink. Megan went up behind him and was very close in his ear, to the point where the girl I was talking to noticed and said, ‘what is that?’ and pointed at them. She even commented that it looked like Megan was being overly touchy with him. That honestly made me feel worse, because it wasn’t just in my head other people were picking up on it too, and she was acting like that right in front of me.
I tried to brush it off at the time because I didn’t want to overthink it, but it’s been bothering me since. It made me start wondering if this is how she acts with him all the time like, are they flirting at work and I’m just not seeing it? She seemed very comfortable being that touchy with him, especially right in front of me, which makes me feel like I might be missing something.
The girl I was talking to even mentioned that Megan seems very male-attention-seeking at work, which added another layer to it. Now I’m stuck wondering if this is more about her behavior, or if my boyfriend isn’t setting clear enough boundaries. I don’t know if I’m overthinking it or if my feelings are valid here, and I’m not really sure how to approach it or what to say.