It's been going on for almost a year, & i still have my friend's cat.
TL;DR: my friend asked me to keep their cat for a couple of months, & now it's almost a year, my partner & I fund the cats' living expenses. He's bonded with my cat. My partner thinks we should keep him, but I don't have the heart to claim someone's cat as my own, but i dont have the mental capacity to keep caring for a cat that's not mine (emotionally & physically investing in a critter I bonded to but is not truly mine). She still hasn't found a solution to get him back, & i dont know what to do & how to go about this situation without feeling like I'm being a dick.
Hello everyone, newbie here. Sorry for the strange title. I have no idea if this is the right place to post this or not, but I'd really appreciate any help/ opinions if possible (I'm so sorry if this sounds pushy, I'm just awkward & have a hard time putting my words together correctly 😭). anyways ill get to the point.
Last year, around this time, my friend had run into an unfortunate situation & got evicted from their apartment (I have no idea why & don't feel comfortable asking). mind you by this point in my life my friend & i havent talked in a while & kind've drifted from being close so we did not know how each other's lives are going, so i had no idea what happened until they called me randomly one night & explained that they have to resort to staying somewhere where they cany have their cat with them & they asked me if i would be able to take their cat for *a couple months*. They told me they had no one else who was able to take him in & they absolutely do not want to surrender their cat. Obviously i ponder first, but ultimately say yes because I was able to & i know how shitty life is & losing your cat on top of it just really takes a huge blow out of you.
so anyways flash to currently today, almost a year later, after some slight disagreements & them wanting to take the cat to another friend so they would be closer. None of that has happened. We both at one point talked mutually & said it would be in both of our interests for them to transition him to another friend. Now I have been patient because I understand it's going to be hard to find someone else, & 2, trying to juggle getting into a new place, which was never my issue. my issue is they have not paid for his food or litter long term & without me having to ask & even then they still say they cant sometimes/ go back to not paying anything, i also have a cat myself & im not sure if my cat is bonded to hers (my cat gives mixed signals) but i know for sure their cat is bonded to mine ( they left him with us when he was in later kitten years) so i know for a fact he feels an emotional connect to my kitty & if he stays here any longer then what was meant i fear its going to be detrimental to him emotionally both because of bonding to my cat, my partner & i, but also getting used to our environment.
My partner thinks we should give the friend a deadline & say if they cannot find a place for him or take him back, we will keep him as our own. I have an issue with this because I feel extremely uncomfortable giving someone an ultimatum like that, as I know they love their cat, which would be hurtful to have to do. where I'm at a loss for what to do, I feel as though this friend is taking advantage of me. I definitely could be wrong & being paranoid, but they've said multiple things that have made me feel that way.
I also just genuinely feel incapable of keeping him here anymore, he pees on me & my partner's clothes every now & then (i belive its due to him being brought here so young) & I feel burnt out trying to take care/ train a cat that's not mine. I just want them to take him back, & i dont know what to do. I have just texted them, giving them a deadline, but I'm afraid they're going to flip the situation back on me & guilt me into keeping him longer (they've done similar in the past). i dont want to be a dick, but I just don't know what to do anymore.