u/Gloomy2263

Lately it feels like we take 2 steps forward and 5 back when SK comes back from Bio Moms home. My husband shares 50/50 custody, 1 week on 1 week off. While with us he has learned that after you shower you pick up your dirty clothes and put it in the hamper, you don’t just leave your shoes thrown all over there’s a place for them, you don’t demand things you ask for them nicely and say please and thank you, you pick up your trash and your dishes after you’re done eating , we have a bed time routine and school time routine that for the most part works, and more than anything we have been working really hard to regulate his emotions because he tends to be VERY dramatic about the most unnecessary things. For example, grandma was out of chips he likes and it was close to 9pm. We don’t live close to a store and we’re not able to get him the chips he wanted. He started CRYING AND SCREAMING because there were no chips. He has learned that if one thing is not an option then there are other options.
ANYWAY point is we’ve worked really hard with him. However when he comes back from bio mom it’s like we have to start all over for the first few days. He goes back to throwing tantrums and being rude and disrespectful, he comes back saying that my husband and grandparents are not his family and that I’m no one to be telling him what to do (he’s 5). So it almost feels like mom is coaching him to say these things and act up when he is with us. It just frustrating. I dread the exchange day when I pick him up from school because I know it going to be a shit show every time for those first days. And it sucks because I want to be able to do things with him and make it fun while he is with us but also my husband and I do not want to reward his behavior. So we’re stuck between doing fun things with him and not so he understands what he misses when he is the way he is with us. And I’m not saying we don’t ever do anything for him. Trust me we do. But our goal is not to compete with bio mom and try to be the better family. Our goal is to acknowledge when SS has been trying really hard when with us and let him know we notice. I don’t know, are we too hard on him and am I over reacting?