So I (32) have been in a relationship for the past 2 years. This is my very first relationship so it’s all relatively new for me. Things have been going well so my gf and I moved in together 3 months ago. My parents live in another country so my mom usually visits and stays with me for ~3 months every year. This time she has been staying with me and my gf in our home so it’s a new experience for her. My gf and mom have been getting along very well and there have been no misunderstandings or issues whatsoever so I was glad. My gf also really likes my mom. My mom and I have always been close so it’s really important for me that both she and my gf are comfortable spending time with each other.
I’m doing a masters program part time while working full time. I have my final exams coming up for the semester so have been studying late nights for the past 2 weeks. Work has also been hectic so I’ve been doing some overtime. Yesterday morning I was in a rush to get some work done so I quickly got some cereal for breakfast and went back to work. Unfortunately, I forgot to put the milk back in the fridge and it sat outside for a while. I also hadn’t been spending much time with my gf so just spent a couple of hours chatting with her after dinner since it was the weekend.
For some reason these 2 events set off my mom. I admitted that it was my mistake to leave the milk out and that I was distracted by work. She starts ranting about how I’ve been too distracted lately by my gf and that I’ve changed a lot since I got into a relationship. She says I shouldn’t be wasting time talking to my gf all night when I should be preparing for my exam instead (which I have been doing continuously for the past 2 weeks). Felt like I was being scolded like a 13 year old. I’m doing very well in my courses and at work (she also knows this) so I felt this was completely unnecessary. I told her she was slightly over reacting and that I haven’t had a proper conversation with my gf in more than a week, I was just taking a break from studying. The milk wasn’t that big of a deal (it’s almost empty). Then she got really defensive and said it’s my life and I can do whatever I want, even fail my courses and since I’m an adult I don’t need to listen to her advice or anything..in a very salty tone and stormed off.
I’m trying to understand this. I wouldn’t describe her as controlling but maybe she feels somewhat vulnerable with this new person being in my life and having to accommodate for that? And that’s why she’s reacting like this? I don’t know…