First off, I’m so sorry for the TMI.
When I started dating my (now) husband, he mentioned doing anal and I was pretty clear I’m not interested and it’s never going to happen. He didn’t really bring it up again. Fast forward a few years, we’re married, I had a baby, and apparently during pregnancy or birth, I prolapsed. I finally learned this recently after years of painful sex, constant UTI’s, constipation, etc etc. (minor, not major. Like I can feel it but it’s not fully falling out of me lol). at some point in the relationship, I can’t really pinpoint when, he started trying to touch my butthole during sex with his finger or rubbing his dingaling against it as if I wouldn’t notice. I’d tell him to stop, he’d stop. But he would continue to do it at every now and then during sex until I told him to stop, like he’s testing me each time to see if I’ll allow it. Now he’s deployed, and we text/snapchat/FaceTime for sexy time instead. In those texts, he keeps bringing up anal and asking to do it when he gets back, saying he’s never tried it and really wants to try it, at least once. I haven’t had surgery to fix the prolapse because the doctor said if I get pregnant again, it’ll rip out the staples and tear it up again so to wait until I’m 100% done having kids. I brought this up and said I’ve had enough pain and symptoms, I’ve never wanted to try anal, I have no interest in my poophole being played with, and I really don’t want to try it for the first time stressing about it my insides are going to fully fall out of me. He persisted, saying “just the tip” and “if you don’t like it, I’ll never ask again”. Eventually I gave in, I said we can try it ONCE when he gets home. I still don’t want to. And I really don’t believe him when he says he won’t ask again if I don’t like it. I know that if he likes it, he’ll just slowly over the years keep pressing for it and hinting at it, touching me there and seeing if I’ll allow it. Part of me wants to make him happy, it’s what he wants and if I’m the only person he’s supposed to have sex with the rest of his life, who am I to deny him trying the one thing he’s been wanting to try? Other people do it, why can’t I? And the other part of me is really starting to resent him because I recognize the constant pressure to please him despite what I might want or not want. The subtle hints to have sex with him even when it’s painful or I’m really not in the mood, the obvious disappoint and cold shoulder I get after telling him no (like he can only show affection when he wants sex and if he doesn’t get it, the affection disappears). He’s never raped me, he’s never kept going after I told him to stop, but I’m tired of feeling like my body isn’t my own and I have to use it to please him, I’m tired of feeling pressured into doing things with my body that I don’t want to, and I’m tired of not being able to stand up for myself because I feel punished in some way when I do. I don’t want to talk dirty with him anymore. Everytime we do, he tells me what he’s going to do to me (always mentioning anal) as if it’s a turn on for me but it isn’t. Not at all. I’m avoiding sex talk with him like it’s the plague because it’s just not fun anymore, it’s stressful and is giving me so much anxiety.