I have never been able to swallow pills. My psychiatrist said I could crush my vilazodone to take, but I am feeling a bit anxious. I don't see much about it online. Does anyone here have experience taking them crushed?
We landed on me taking vilazodone because of genesight testing.
The anxiety and the obsessiveness is overwhelming. I feel like I can't focus on myself and I genuinely can't figure out what my wants or needs are until I know I'm in good standing with a certain someone. And I feel like the security I build up quickly erodes and leaves me stuck frozen in fear all over again. I've tried being honest about my emotions. It led to me asking for reassurance over and over again, but it never helps for long. I feel terrible being this codependent and anxiously attached.
How do you find yourself? How do you make yourself care about finding yourself? Even though I want to get better, I just want to be healthy because my codependency hurts the people I care about. I don't know how to look at myself and genuinely want to take care of myself JUST for me. I'm in therapy, but the codependency is agonizing and I'm struggling to take care of myself outside of sessions.
It's really embarrassing admitting how "far gone" I feel. But I want to want to be better. I don't know how to get there. I feel like I keep trying to make myself a second main character in someone else's life, rather than live my own. And it's really unhealthy because when this person acts independently I feel completely dysregulated and lost.