Having severe anxiety about working
Hello, so I'm a 23 year old woman. I've been struggling with debilitating anxiety and depression for as long as i can remember. I can typically work around the depression, but I cannot work around the anxiety. I don't know how to cope with the idea of working. Meds only do so much- I know it has a lot to do with your mindset on things.
I've been trying to work through my anxiety about working and thought i had come far enough to start working but turns out i was wrong. I worked two shifts so far- literally just stocking a grocery store. I love stocking- but I cant handle working in one specific part of the store. My first shift there was a mix up and so I was in a different department which i absolutely loved, second day they had me working another section- that I was supposed to be in. I left mid shift due to having an extremely bad panic attack.
I'm supposed to go back in 2 days from now. I cannot even fathom going back. Its ridiculous, there's no reason for me to be like this. I feel awful because I'm 23- I should be able to help out financially but i literally can't. The amount of anxiety i feel even thinking about it is insane.
I live with my mother and my boyfriend. My brothers going to be moving in with us in a couple of months so rent is going to increase since we need to switch apartments and I can't contribute. I want to get on disability for it but I can't afford an advocate/lawyer to get it- plus it'll take a long while to get that approved. Yes i'm on medication- it just isn't enough. Therapy has never worked for me.
My mother and boyfriend are very upset that I'm not able to hold down a job- I mean it's the first time I'm trying to work in years honestly. I used to be able to hold down a job, I don't know what happened. Something in my mentality just broke and I haven't been able to fix it. I don't have friends, I don't have a car or drive because of my anxiety. I feel so stuck and I have no idea what to do. I'm glad my boyfriend and mom don't understand the level of anxiety I feel- but sometimes I wish they did so they wouldn't get so mad at me. But I mean I get it at the same time. It's basic- something I should be able to do but I just can't.
Honestly I'm just ranting at this point. I don't have anybody to really talk to about this stuff and just need to get it off my chest. Thanks for reading this far