u/Glum_Neighborhood_13

I just want to scream into the void here. No one in my life knows I even have a reddit and I need to get this out somewhere. I just turned 29 and I cant help but feel as though I wasn't made for the world. I've never been in a romantic relationship so anytime I try to talk to someone im interested in I just get to flustered and try to fill the silence. And I think that scares people off. My friends all have lives of their own and I cant talk to them about the stuff that bothers me because then they'll worry or my one friend will give me a sermon on how Jesus will help me when im not sure that even God would help the emptiness inside of me. I live with my dad and grandma but I stay in my room because I learned long ago from my mom that it was safer to stay out of sight, that I cant get hurt if im away from people. I hate that im like this. I want to be around my family. I want to make connections with people. But I cant. The only thing I know I wanted when I was younger and still want is to be a mother but as I get older I fear it'll never happen. I just want to be like others able to connect.