Ugh. A vent.
I just need to vent this. I know from previous posts what folks have said I need to do with this situation but for the purpose of this post please spare me the ‘move out’ comments because that process takes time given location/financial situation. I am actively trying to navigate how to improve my situation I just can’t do it fast given circumstances.
I’m tired of my meta always being given grace no matter what they do and I end up being the bad person.
It was recently my partner’s birthday. I ordered something special for them and ordered it customized. This was through work where I and everyone in our polycule works. (Edit to add: I did not start dating someone at work! I started working the same place after we’d already been dating.)
Meta found out and decided to hijack the order. Adjusted it to their liking and to give to partner as their own.
I decided after hearing meta’s praises being sung from coworkers over the special order (meta had showed the special order to coworkers, gushed over it, and took full credit for it) that I didn’t want to be present for when they gave partner this thing. I told partner as much and why I didn’t want to be there for it.
Partner also got mad at me for ‘not talking about the issue with meta’. But I did. I tried discussing it with them ahead of time as soon as I found out what they were doing but meta shut me down and forged ahead anyways. And between meta having more seniority over me at work plus being in control of my housing situation, pushing more felt like a landmine. Meta is used to getting their way (raised in privilege, generational wealth, etc). (Edit to add: Meta is not a manager! Just has more seniority please stop making assumptions.)
I am now the bad guy for ruining the day by saying I didn’t want to be there, because partner says spending time with the polycule family is REALLY important to them.
Nevermind that it doesn’t feel like ‘family’ to me having this kind of thing happen. Or to be the one expected to ‘fix’ issues I didn’t cause to begin with, and ‘fix’ almost always means meta can do no wrong so I need to suck it up. There are no ‘solutions’ with meta - it’s their way and that’s that. At least with me. Partner doesn’t understand or doesn’t care that how they get treated is different to how meta interacts with me especially when partner isn’t around.
I know my meta isn’t the only issue here. I just feel frustrated and sad. Again.
Edit: Some of you need reading comprehension. Also some of you are clearly cisgender and white and the privilege is showing here and in the couple of PMs I got.