u/GoblinMod

I am grateful that I know I’m autistic and have ADHD. It has explained a lot. It also helps in finding what what is me and what’s the disorder.

I hate it though, the fact that I have to take pills everyday and remember that cause I can see how I don’t perform as well as I can at work. I know when my body needs me to pause. The idea that I need to be medicated to be ordinary fucken sucks and some days I just want to be norma.

I don’t want to remember that every Tuesday I need go refill my pill boxes. I hate that I can’t sleep if I don’t take sleeping meds cause insomnia makes me angry. I don’t want to be the person who needs structure and hates a small change to my routine.

I hate that taking a shower is the hardest part of my day. My little brother wakes up and brushes his teeth everyday and it looks so simple.

I hate that I am hyper active. I went to a work event this week and I kept a low profile cause my social battery was zero. I was bombarded with messages of people asking where I was. I don’t choose to be energetic and the cost of it is so much that I need two days to recover.

My diagnosis has helped a lot I’m in the same company for five years. Before that I couldn’t keep a job for 12 months. I am stable and tackling my fragmented nervous system. I have boundaries that ended few relationships that didn’t help me. I have an investment account and can afford two vacations a year. I have people that love me for me and understand my accommodations.

It still feels like my life needs constant management to be ordinary and I am not ordinary.

I am okay but I hate that I need medication to experience the life I have. It’s beautiful and progressive but it also feels like prison

I don’t like driving and e-hailing services like Uber and sometimes Bolt are my favourite. Over the past 6 months the service has gone down to the pits. The cars are dirty, not up to standard. I opted for comfort cause I thought things will be better but no. I was in a car and the brake pads are finished. The driver didn’t care that I was in a rattling ride that was 30 minutes long.

Secondly the driver have decided that their music has to be on blast or the radio. I make most of my calls on my ride home or I just want some quiet and now I have to beg the person to reduce the volume. Also let’s not forget the drivers on their phones with the significant others on loud speakers.

My last draw is the fact that if you don’t greet you are rude and if you do you are a flirt. I got shouted by a driver cause I didn’t show him respect as a man. The other one wanted my number and I honestly felt like if I said now that guy would have left me on the side of the highway.

Is the service bad cause it’s Jozi or it’s the same for everywhere?