Foster teen’s odd request
Foster daughter (18) has been with us for a year. I also have an 11 year old bio son. My husband is going out of town, and she asked if she could sleep in my bed with me while he’s gone. For some context, my son still occasionally gets in our bed in the middle of the night but we’ve been actively working on him staying in his bed and he’s been doing really well.
I told her no, and she kept pushing the issue. I said it’s both against DHS policy (she’s in extended care) and not something I am comfortable with. She kind of flew off the handle about it because my son still does it sometimes. He just told me that she also told him to be sure not to get in bed with me this week and not to tell me she said anything.
When she moved in, we were specifically cautioned to maintain strong boundaries because we aren’t even really old enough to have been her parents. I can’t think of how else to explain to her that it isn’t her personal but that’s, to me, not appropriate. I don’t think I’d be comfortable with my 18 year old son in here either. She fixates on the equality of everything, regardless of whether something is age appropriate or not (which is understandable but hard to navigate).
Suggestions for how to discuss if she (likely) brings it up again? I have validated her feelings and offered alternatives (like watching a show in here together before bed) but I don’t know how else to tell her that it just cannot happen.