r/Fosterparents

I don't want to go into detail out of respect for my niece's privacy, so I'll keep it brief. A few months ago, I had to take my niece into my care. She is almost six years old and was removed from the custody of her mother (my cousin) and her father due to physical abuse And severe neglect. As you might expect, she is carrying a lot of trauma.

I live with my husband, and our children have already left home. My niece is gradually doing better and better, and she now communicates with us normally. She has taken a particular liking to my husband—which doesn't surprise me, because although he looks like a scary lumberjack, he is the definition of a gentle giant, and our children couldn't have had a better father.

Yesterday, I was at a café with my friends and mentioned that my niece is doing better; she is communicating with us and even likes to snuggle and sleep in my husband's arms—which was a huge step forward, considering she used to hate any kind of physical contact.

They gave me a strange look, so I asked them what was going on, and they told me it was inappropriate for a little girl to be in such close physical proximity to an adult man who isn't her father.

I was surprised and told them that I didn't find anything strange about it, and that we were glad she had opened up to us and felt safer.

She is finally able to sleep through the night if she lies in bed with us and isn't alone, so I have no intention of changing that but i just can't get what they just said out of my head. I know my husband doesn't have any ulterior motives thats not what this post is about I’d be curious to hear what someone else thinks about it.

Foster agency called me saying my now recently deceased father’s baby needs an emergency home and I am next of kin. I say yes immediately but request paternity test because pretty sure my father wasn’t physically able to conceive around the time they did due to cancer and several related surgeries slightly before, during and after that time.

My sister gets a message from one of his colleagues who befriended the wife and said the baby’s uncle IN TURKEY is taking the baby and they’re trying to get a passport. Is this normal? Is this possible during investigation? I live in PA.

Not sure how many of you remember me, I posted much earlier this year (around Jan-Feb) about my frustrations around being a foster teen and never being taken in

good update, I have found a placement that’s been absolutely wonderful for me! I had my baby in March and have been doing fantastic. My foster mom has been an absolute angel throughout the last 6 or so months. I turn 18 this month and moving my case over to voluntary as she has offered to keep her home open to me and my baby for as long as I need.

she only takes in teens and worked in Cali in a foster care agency and knew that pregnant teens were hard to place, so she specifically asked for any to be placed with her if it arises.

To all the FPs who work with us teens, you are absolutely amazing. We are not easy, but we are human and thank you for treating us as such.

My husband and I are currently fostering a 14 year old, he is long term with us and has been with us for nearly 1 1/2 years. He is very settled and very happy, and there has been talk from the agency about us applying for permanent placement at his next court date in 1 1/2 years. We are located in Australia.
We have no children of our own and while fostering has been the most amazing experience and I have bonded incredibly well to our foster son, my relationship has dissolved and I want to divorce my husband. I have told my husband how I feel. The only thing stopping me is that I don’t want to lose custody of our foster son.
Can a couple get divorced while fostering? As I stated, he is long term with us, we don’t do any respite, and in all ways he has settled really well with us. I’m really worried that talking to our case manager will mean that he will be moved until things are finalised. I would love any advice, thank you.

I’m in the process of becoming a foster parent. I was thinking I’d foster a teen, and I still might, but I’m worried about burning myself out between work and being a single foster parent. (I have depression and have to manage my stress levels). I would love to have a young adult to mentor, and have right now said my age group is 18-21, but wondering if that’s a weird thing to do. Thoughts? (I’m in Ventura county, CA - but just asking this in a general sense of course). Thanks.

My husband and I have almost completed our foster parent courses. We currently have a 2 month old baby in our placement through fictive kin placement. We also have a bio 2 year old. We have wanted to start our foster parent journey for a long time, this fictive kin placement just jump started it. Our plan was to grow our family through becoming foster parents. My parents have been foster parents for years and we’ve seen, the good and the ugly but we also know the need. So, foster parenting was always the goal. Well, I found out yesterday. I’m terrified. I don’t want this to affect our foster parent certification, and I really don’t want it to affect our current placement with this baby. Has anyone been in this situation? How did it work out for you? What was your case workers response? I’m just trying to ease my mind after this shocking news.

Good evening. I need some advice.

About 13 years ago I was a foster parent.
There was a teenager I was fostering that was about 17 years old. He stayed with us for about a year, did well at first, but kept getting into various sorts of trouble and running away. He was placed elsewhere right before turning 18 and immediately incarcerated and has spent the better part of the last 11 years in and out of prison.

During his various breaks from incarceration- he has reached out to me. He would call me from different numbers and has even shown up at my home….”just to say hi” or let me know “ I’ve changed and am getting my life back on track”. Each time he asks for money. It’s extremely uncomfortable and awkward as he is not a teenager anymore he is a grown man.
I gave him a few bucks on two occasions ( I know- I should have not done that but I thought it would make him go away), the last time making it known that I would not do it again.

Several years ago he was incarcerated and I am embarrassed to say I was very relieved. I dreaded the day he would be released because I knew it would mean he will try to reach out again.

Well he must have just got released because I answered a local number thinking it was a doctor’s office I have been waiting to hear from and it was him. Same story. Getting his life together. But he wants to meet in person because he needs some legal advice and the details - for whatever reason- have to be shared in person. He sounded a bit off. I could hear another person whispering in the background.

I was honest and told him that I did not want to meet in person and anything he wants to say can be said over the phone. I also told him that I have no money to give and that if he is looking for money he needs to go elsewhere he said that not the case. That he just wants my advice.

I told him I was unavailable to meet.

I don’t want to think the worst about anyone. I found him very endearing as a 17 year old - although troubled with a poor upbringing
and an inability to shake the culture that he was brought up in. I tried to help him back then, But failed.

Now he is a 30 year old man and I would be lying if I said that him reaching out to me whenever he is released, scares me. On top of that, I feel Badly for feeling this way.

Has anyone ever dealt with such a situation?

Is it normal for us FP to have the responsibility of all visits with their parents? Both have visits. One is incarcerated I am being asked to pull the kids out of school early to meet the incarcerating parents visit need. In some cases can the caseworker pick the kids up early from school? Both my partner and I work. It’s seeming impossible to meet all of the demands….

Our 2 yr old toddler is set to have his "last" court ordered visitation with mom, with the next court hearing early next year. How do we as his foster parents memorialize (not the right word but kind of) this day for him so in the future he can have an understanding of it for better or worse?

A little background:
Mom unfortunately has not worked her plan.
Mom has come to maybe half the once monthly scheduled visits.
Essentially bc of the state our kiddo came into care, reunification wasn't likely (per the judge) but with her not working the plan at all it is almost impossible.
Prior to coming into care child was with various people so (according to SW and translator) he doesn't recognize her as his Mom/ shows little affection towards her.😩

We have asked and not received phone numbers/emails for other family members. Mom will get the communication book w/pictures and artwork from kiddo at visit.

We are in the middle of the TPR process with our two fosters. Our case seems to be pretty unique and we have had no luck in finding anything online that is similar so I thought I’d reach out here. We are located in Kentucky.

The kids have been in foster care for 18 months now and only one parent has worked their case. The removal was due to DV and neglect. They didn’t start working their plan until 9 months after removal and completed it 5 months ago. Since completion, there have been substantiated reports that the lessons and accountability supposed to be taken by the plan is not there.

TPR was filed 2 months ago and we’ve had 2 pretrials with the actual trial scheduled for November. Both State and GAL are pushing for TPR. Bio-parent missed both pretrials.

Bio-parent has continued to attend supervised visits, but has canceled quite a few. Of the last 22 visits, they have canceled 5 at the last minute. At a more recent visit, bio-parent got into a verbal altercation with teenagers and the SW had to step in to de-escalate.

There is a visitation review at court for unsupervised visits a month before the TPR trial.

Has anyone had a Judge grant unsupervised visits so shortly before TPR? If so, was TPR still granted? Is this likely just another box to tick to show reunification efforts? Please, I want to hear all of your experiences.

I’ve had 9 different placements but my second to last one I’m really struggling to get over. She left over the summer. I still think about her everyday. I’m not sure what was so different with her but I really felt connected to her. I got to provide respite a couple weeks after she left but I haven’t heard anything since. Just crossing my fingers I get to see her again and that she’s doing well. The placement I got after her was also a sweet little girl. But my heart just wasn’t in it. When they asked if I could keep her long term I said yes but that if they had another home I’d prefer that. I felt so guilty. I feel damaged now. Like I lost something that wasn’t even mine. I’m not sure I can keep doing this.

When you store bulk clothing that you have, what’s your organization system. I am using totes but trying to to decide whether to store both genders together by size or to do multiple sizes together and separate by gender. Any tips or how you do it would be helpful!