Would YOU disrupt?
Looking for some honest perspective from other foster parents.
We currently have a young child who has been with us for several weeks. I want to be clear that the child themselves isn't really the reason we're considering disruption. We knew fostering would come with behaviors, adjustment issues, and difficult days. We're not expecting an easy placement, and we don't feel like we've reached this point because of normal child behaviors.
The bigger problem has been the lack of communication and follow-through when significant things happen.
There have been several situations where we've needed information, clarification, or follow-up from the people involved in the case. Some things eventually get handled, but we're often left waiting or having to reach out repeatedly.
More recently, there was a concerning incident at school involving the child and another child that crossed a boundary we found particularly concerning. We reported it to the appropriate people, but we received essentially no follow-up afterward. No real discussion about what happened, what was being done about it, or whether there were additional considerations we should be making.
That incident also made us stop and think about future placements in our home. If we were to accept another child around the same age, we would have a responsibility to consider whether the existing circumstances could potentially put that child in a vulnerable or high-risk situation. That's not something we're willing to ignore or simply hope won't happen again.
Again, the child's behavior itself isn't what we're unable to handle. We can handle difficult days, behaviors, adjustment periods, and children who have experienced trauma. What we're struggling with is being responsible for managing significant situations while receiving very little communication or follow-up from the professionals involved.
We've communicated our concerns multiple times and tried to work through things as they came up. Eventually, we decided to request a disruption and submitted that request recently.
At the same time, we're being considered for two children whose current placement is ending. We had actually been discussing those children before we made the decision about our current placement, so this isn't a situation where we're trying to remove one placement simply to make room for another.
We heard about the children's needs and challenges and still felt that we could potentially provide a good home. We understand that a transition is going to be difficult, and we're willing to work through that. Our concern isn't “We don't want difficult children.” It's more “We need to know that the adults responsible for supporting a placement will actually communicate with us when significant things happen.”
I'm struggling with whether we're being reasonable in saying that we don't want to continue our current placement when the child themselves isn't necessarily the problem, but the lack of communication, follow-up, and ability to confidently assess risk for future placements has become exhausting.
For those of you who foster: Would this be considered a legitimate reason to request a disruption? How would you expect your agency to respond when the primary issue is not the child's behavior, but the lack of communication and follow-up surrounding significant incidents?
I genuinely want honest opinions, including if you think we're approaching this wrong.