u/Gold-Profession-9996

For those of you who grew up in healthy/stable homes…what was it like? Did it help you in the long run? Do you have more fond memories of childhood than bad?

By healthy/stable, I mean a home that actually felt like a safe place for you. And that your caretakers loved you the way a child deserves to be loved. And you weren’t surrounded by traumatic things. And that you got to grow up with the same core group.

How much work was it? How much reading? How difficult/time consuming?

In my case it’s a brother. But I’ve always been fascinated by the dynamics that exist between siblings—especially siblings of the same gender. Cain & Abel are the classic case study—albeit a very small case.

•What kind of household is necessary to stop the cliche lifelong sibling rivalry? Is there anything parents can do at all the prevent deep seated jealousy between siblings?
•How powerful is the bond between people who grew up together?
•Do adults ever feel any kind of obligation to their siblings? In my case I do even though I don’t want to. My brother and me fight like hot oil & ice yet I can’t stop loving that asshole for some reason.
•A lot of other questions I can ask here.

There really seems to be something unique about this kind of relationship. It is a side step from friendship and not as nurturing as parenthood. It’s like 2 people with the same genetics starting their life journey together and they may/may not end up at the same stop. I feel like with siblings there always is a chance to circle back to the relationship even after years of being apart. I’ve seen estranged siblings with deep seated trauma make up extremely fast.

Anywho, what are your thoughts?

I want to know what it was like for you being favored or spoiled and then sent out into the world as a young adult…? And was there any trauma you suffered in the midst of being the golden one?

Trying my best summarize my experience. I was born to teen parents. My 3 grandparents were my parents for basically the first 4 years. I was the 1st son, 1st grandchild, 1st great grandchild, 1st nephew, 1st cousin etc. in my generation in my family. I was also the 1st time they had a mixed race baby. I was spoiled to high heaven. I was a very docile child who wouldn’t make a peep as long as i had my favorite foods around and a chance to watch my shows or read. I did very well in school. I however did not like other children besides select members in my family who i bonded with early on. If you weren’t my grandparent, one of those select people, or an animal, I wanted nothing to do with you. I always knew what I liked and just wanted to be left alone except for brief moments of affection.

My relatives would catastrophize over my displeasure and constantly compare my siblings or cousins to me. I promise you this only made my relationships with other children worse.

Also a whirlwind of childhood trauma ensued (too much to list). Abuse, neglect, drugs, constantly moving etc. Too much to list and stay on point. Long story short, my parents are just now growing up in their 40s.

Ever since those days, I experience overly intense emotions or no emotion at all. People around me respond very strongly to both my negative and positive emotions. So much so that I feel like my experiences aren’t my own. People focus on me more than I would like them to. I don’t want to be “special.”

I’ve had many bullies, many enemies, and a few close friends. But even now in my adulthood, the distance between me and other people is large and causes me to constantly introspect.

I have spent a few years trying to understand my predicament and make steps to close the gap between me & others. But there are still many things about other people that I struggle to accept and adapt to.

What was it like for you?

TLDR: Golden child syndrome effect on adulthood .