u/GoldRequirement8115

معدلي 94.2 .... شو الافضل لمعدلي بشكل عام بعد الصيدلة وخصوصي هدول التخصصين

شو احتمال يطلعلي ؟

وانا بحسب بامتحان الكيمياء اليوم بنقصني 3 علامات من المعدل وانا السنة الاولى جايبة 29.3 يعني بصفي معدلي96.3 شو بطلعلي تخصصات وانا صحي ؟

Long story to tell: There was this guy I’ve known since i was a kid and my mom too since he was 4 (btw we have 8 years age gap but we never had a problem with this) . our moms are besties and used to work together, so life kinda kept pulling us into each other’s orbit.

Years later … we actually started talking in a very random way (it was me who first struck up a conversation) and somehow, it turned into love. Real love. The kind that feels soft and safe and way too deep for how it even started. I’ve never met someone with a heart like this : so kind, so gentle, so generous. very kind to all my family. He used to always tell me, “ you made me a better man, you're a gift from heaven to me ” we planned many dates and achieved many things together

But recently… he disappeared for two days. No warning. No explanation. And I could still see him online elsewhere. It just didn’t feel right. I was shocked because he’s never been that type , even when we used to argue, we never stayed mad for more than a day. I texted him saying I’m not okay with games like that. I was genuinely hurt. I ended up deactivating my account for a bit because I couldn’t deal with it.

When I came back the next day… I found his reply.

he said I deserve someone better than him, that he’s not good for me, and that he was actually trying to reach me while I was gone. I asked him why he’d lie and ghost me like that…

And then he opened up.

He told me he has childhood traumas (I already knew a bit about it cuz i always heard our mothes talking bout that , even my mom confessed last week she was surprised he could pass tawjihi ) and when he gets overwhelmed, he shuts down completely. He disappears, goes somewhere no one can reach him. Even his family tries and can’t find him. It’s like he learned to survive by isolating himself.

He said before me that he never even planned a future with anyone. No marriage, no family , just loneliness he thought he’d live with forever. But then I came into his life and somehow changed the way he saw everything. He started trying and like really trying. (I could see it too cuz he even talked to both our mothers about marriage… like he was genuinely trying to face everything he runs from and were planning to propose to me officialy and get engaged before i graduate from college.... And then he said suddenly he got overwhelmed again even though this was actually the longest he’d ever stayed present. He saw my messages but he said he just didn’t know how to respond and explain it as if he was mentally frozen.

I asked him if he’s afraid his kids might live the way he did in his childhood… He said no, and that he’s willing to burn himself out for the people close to him, like his children and siblings, but he doesn’t want them to come into existence in the first place… I asked him if he never thinks about having kids. He confessed deep inside he’s torn between yes and no… even though we were planning to have many children, (even though he never thought about it before)

He swore he still loves me, honestly… you can tell. The way he talks, the way he tries to calm me down, it all feels real. He kept repeating that I’m the only one he sees in his future, that he feels guilty for making me love him like this, and that he’s trying to get better but doesn’t even know where to start (then somehow talked about life and some other people around us )

And me… I’m just standing there between love and fear, trying to understand him but he's also inconsistent in what he says and wants to do

What next? i dont know