I enjoy BDSM virtually. Porn, messaging, chat rooms, books, and short stories but I don't like it in real life. Why?
I am 29F and this is my experience. I have been interested in kink for much longer than has been appropriate but I've never had a true real life experience with someone that knew what they were doing. Perhaps that's the reason why I have never been into it or into sex at all. I have even had partners offer and I just didn't have much interest in it at all with them. We would dabble but it always just felt incredibly awkward.
I currently consider myself a panromantic asexual, mostly because people don't turn me on in real life. I don't look at a naked body and feel attraction the way I think I'm supposed to. I currently am in the headspace that I find people attractive in their personality and the way that they carry themselves and I have found that I generally find people with a more masculine presence attractive because I tend to find them more dominant I think.
I have never orgasmed with a partner before at all, even with ones that knew what they were doing. I had one ex with a body count in the triple digits and he said I am the only woman that he has never been able to get there...
Obviously I take care of myself and that's fine. I read my little kinky smut and life is okay but I have this feeling that I'm missing out on parts of myself and that I might have a deep misunderstanding of my own sexuality. Does anyone else feel this way?