My baby boy has multiple birth defects and I'm so mad at his mother....
* His finished second breakfast
Forgive my typos, I typed this quick.
Little background, I have been with my sons mother for two and a half years how and my son was born last week. She has had a history of drugs and had her first two kids given to their paternal grandparents. She has since been clean but has had a still born and a girl who is six since. Girl isn't mine up she calls me dad. Only thing is she smokes a pack a day. I was very unsure about my feelings for her and was going to break our relationship. To add to it she is still legally married but hasn't seen or heard from her ex in 6 years.
When she told me she was pregnant, because she missed her birth control, I was kinda worried from the start. She said she would quit smoking but never did. She said she was cutting back but was sneaking extra cigarettes in while she was at work or when I was working. She also told me she was working on divorce paper but never even started them
We found out at one other ultrasounds that he was missing a kidney and had a club foot. Which, in the long run, isn't a big deal just something to keep an eye on in life. His mother said she was done smoking that day but that was a lie. She continued smoking.
My son was born at 37 weeks with more birth defects than the doctors had seen in the ultrasounds, biggest of which was narrow artery paths in his heart, possible hearing lose, and breathing issues. He is stable now at a children's hospital and doing ok.
Now I'm so mad. I feel like her past drug history and nonstop smoking did this to him. We are still waiting on genetics to make sure that's not the cause of his issues. To top it all off, because she is still legally married we have to get her ex to sign off so my name is on the birth certificate. So goes with saying I'm not happy with her anymore.
I've kept my cool with her so far and being as supportive of her as I can. I know this is just as hard on her and it is me. We are both just worried about him having the best life he can. As for our relationship I've already mental checked out. If I leave the relationship I feel like she would keep my son from me. When my name get put on the birth certificate I'm thinking about filing for full custody and taking my son. With her past I think I can get him and provide a better life for him without her. I've always wanted to be a dad. I'm very financially stable compared to her and can easily make more time to meet his future needs. But the courts usually don't take the father's side. I'm at a lose and honestly scared...
Update: Appreciate the comments. To clarify: baby boys mother is not a bad person at all, just made some poor choices in the past and had to pay for it. I made it sound like she wasn't, but she truly is a good person and a good mom to her six year old. She had to work hard to get to where she is now but she is clean and sober for the last 8 years.
I am at fault too without a doubt. I shouldn't have stayed as long as I did but I got attached to her six year old girl. I didn't her to think I was another dad who left her. Im mad at myself that my son is in the shape he is in but we are both incredibly happy he is here. So for all the people calling me stupid, irresponsible, and whatnot, nothing I have called myself already. So please aleast be more creative with your insults.
I didn't know about her still being legally married till after we knew about the baby. She had to go through other people just to find the ex to sign divorce papers.
The doctors also said that the smoking didn't do this but it still it couldn't have been good for him. So I can't shake that thought. Just waiting on genetics to say different. Maybe our DNA together just didnt work. Really just want a reason or answer.
To be fair I'll probably just do what's best for him, his mom, and his sister and keep everyone together and worry about it when they are old enough to understand. Thanks eveyone.