u/GosamyrBaby

It hurts me truly to write this message but I think this is the end of my time here at Xavier’s mansion. Most people have lost their will to keep going and the sub is just dead. I too have just lost my passion to keep writing my crazy little alien diva.

When I joined this sub 8 months ago I was trapped in my house during one of the worst blizzards my state had ever seen and I needed an escape. I happened to stumble upon this sub and little did I know about the community and the friends I’d make along the way here. There’s too many people to list individually but everyone here has brightened my day and I hope I’ve done the same for you.

Gosamyr in particular was always my weird little autistic gay fascination. I read her story when I was a teenager and I loved how different she was, she got to be a magical alien, she got to be the agitator on the team as a woman, she had a completely bonkers power set, she dropped so many weird little bits of lore on herself, and just as she was getting her foothold editorial wiped her out of existence. My time on this sub has been a love letter to this obscure character that I always felt deserved more and could have had a bigger role in the ongoing narrative.

It honestly means so much to me that this community has been so receptive and interested in her and all the additional narrative I put on her. Thank you all so much for your support and time here. If you need me you can still find me on A World Without Heroes where I will be portraying two more weirdo aliens, G Gordon Godfrey and the Martian Manhunter.

I love you all XO - Moondragon, Banshee, Third Eye, Miasma, Agni, and of course Gosamyr ✨

And remember to ALWAYS keep the Galaxy Glamorous ✨ 💋

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

You know it’s been a really slow news cycle, nobody really did anything newsworthy lately. So I thought today I’d make up two fake stories and throw in a real one. Let’s see if you can tell Tea from fiction ✨

First up, Rogue entered a Dolly Parton look-a-like contest! Unfortunately for everyone around her she came in 3rd. She totes lost her mind and started beating up the other contestants and stole the other prizes. Before anyone could calm her down, she shouted “AH TAKE EVRYTHANG” and flew through the ceiling. Super crazy ✨ but that brings me to our sponsor Dr Hatros’s HATE pills, one capsule will send you into a blind rage. Use discount code: “BLACKSP3CTR3” for half off your first bottle ✨ Wait why would anyone want that?!

Next, Mystique is throwing an Oktoberfest party for the whole mansion ✨ There’s gonna be a whole spread of German foods including, bratwurst, schnitzel, and plenty of beer. I for one am looking forward to the Bavarian pretzels with plenty of mustard ✨ She promised a few attractions including singing, dancing, and a dunk tank! That’s right you can try your hand at dunking Mystique who will be dressed as a historically accurate serving wench, whatever that is. So look for the huge sign that’ll read “Soak the Backstabbing Wench” soon!

Finally, Northstar the total dork fell for an obvious Loki prank. So he told him chuckles that he’s half light elf and that he needs to go to Alfheim immediately. So Northstar goes there and all the light elves are like “sooo you believed Loki, the god of lies and mischief.” Obvi they sent him back eventually after they took turns roasting him. You know what honestly, Loki is a total baddie for that and I may send him a PR package ✨

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ I knowwww I said that my leading the X-Men wasntttt a publicity stunt but it totes was ✨ On October 1st you can buy my brand new “White Lies” fall sweater collection! All super cute and ethically sourced, prices range from $89.99 - $129.99 shipping and handling not included! Also for each sweater you buy we donate 15 dollars to protecting oceanic wildlife ✨ See? My white lies are ALWAYS for a good cause.

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, filling in for our dearly departed, we have the friendliest neighborhood hero, Spider-Man! We’ll find out a little bit about him, his history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list, first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 47 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature Callisto!

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

It’s been a lot of insani-Tea lately so sit back and unwind with all the hot Goss ✨

First up, thanks to a generous gift from Mr. Stark I’m now the most beautiful and talented superhero in the world! Everyone you may now address me as ✨ THE IRON ICON ✨ It’s only been 48 hours and I’ve already stopped 17 crimes and caused $75,000 worth of property damage! Now I just need an adjective. Uncanny? No. Invincible? No. Oh, I know! Illustrious ✨ Wait with all the shady stuff Mr Stark is doing lately do you think I could get cancelled for wearing his armor??? Probably best not to worry about that yet ✨

Speaking of, it seems like we’re on the fast track to all out war with a man who’s even more cancelable at this point than I am ✨ Iron Man. What is with all these genius billionaires wanting to create armies of Sentinels. He claims all their weapons are non-lethal but we all know where that goes. Which brings me to our sponsor, Stane International Disintegrator Rays ✨ vanquish your foes quicker than they can vanquish a bottle of Scotch! Use discount code:STAN30NSTARKSL3GACY for free same day delivery! Okay I know we’re mad on him but WHO is coming up with these slogans!

Finally, where oh where has our little dog gone? This creepy telekinetic guy who looks totes like he belongs on Dateline showed up at the mansions doorstep the other day. He was super weird and wanted to know where Volkov was before he shattered a bunch of windows. Soon after Volkov disappeared and I bravely went to the Bloomingdale’s sale ✨ Someone should probably get on finding him, he smells like metal shavings, pizza grease, and unfiltered cigarettes. He’s like very tall, looks like an MCR backup dancer, and has metal legs and a tail. Can’t miss him. I’ll even offer a 5,000 dollar reward to whoever returns him after a flea and tick bath ✨

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ they say you shouldn’t wear white after Labor Day but it seems this year is an exception to the rule. Hank McCoy, the Vision, Emma Frost, and noted terrorist The Ghost have all been seen out sporting monochromatic white and I gotta say it’s a look. I’m obviously no stranger to it myself ✨ If you want to break the rules as well you can purchase my new Deluxe White Foxxy Romper for $149.99, first 50 purchases get a copy of my original Glamour Galaxy makeup palette for free ✨

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, the luckiest member of X-Force, Domino! We’ll find out a little bit about her, her history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list, first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 47 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature Armor, the Ultimate Edition!

Gosamyr looks directly to camera

What is a girl to do? Studying is soooooo boring and the club is where I belong. But if I want to take this seriously and actually get my MBA, I unforts have to put the work in. Totes unfair ✨

OOC: open to interaction

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

You know what’s really tea? My body AND this podcast ✨

First up, authorities are warning young women who are visible mutants to not walk the streets alone. Apparently kidnappings are totes on the rise, how horrible! I woulddd lowkey keep my gun with me butttttt nobody told me I shouldn’t put it in the dishwasher… with the safety off. Please nobody tell Grey, it was a lovely birthday present ✨ but nobody told me how to clean it. 🫣

Next, in a more positive story Captain America is on a charity kick, children’s hospitals, schools, regular hospitals, probably even a Girl Scout jamboree! But if you are looking for a charitable act my company is always looking for tax write offs I mean acts of charity ✨ So much so I’m introducing the new Power Pack Backpacks! For each one purchased we donate $10 to feeding hungry children. Available now for the heartwarming price of $96.99 💖 Don’t ask me how much it costs to make them.

Finally, Genosha is really starting to come together! Magneto got some roads clear to get food? I don’t really understand how trade routes work, like there’s land, sea, sky, just go another way. He then got his useful citizens to work on the infrastructure, you know plants, clean water, actual buildings. Still no coffee shops though! I totes have a vacation lined up and it’s NOT Genosha yet. Speaking of, my sponsor is Attuma’s Atlantean Adventures, for a truly harrowing experience! (What does harrowing mean? Someone google that.) Use discount code:BUNNYSKU11 for 30% off your first getaway!

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ we’re saluting our hotties of the week, power couple Rogue and Gambit ✨ I haven’t seen either in a minute but nevertheless they always turn heads in any room they stand in. Rogues hair with its signature streak and gambits eyes are such strong visuals you can’t help but love them!

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, the man who teleported me into the middle of f✨✨king Canada and kind of my boss(?), Manifold! We’ll find out a little bit about him, his history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list, first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 40 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature Storm!

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

Did you guys know chai means tea? The more you know 💫

First up, the Avengers and every single spinoff imaginable reformed recently ✨ Like a TV network executive after a mildly successful show comes out, Tony Stark came out with West Coast Avengers, Force Works, The New New Avengers, and a bunch of other redundant titles. What’s next, Great Lakes Avengers? Whack ✨ Personally, I don’t support any of his projects after he started listing off every slur he’s been given a pass to use. For legal reasons that’s satire and cannot legally be considered slander ✨

Next up, my first date with Agni got ruined by a total drip named Hydro-Man. Was that really the best name he could come up with? Sounds like a store brand discount action figure ✨ In a completely unrelated topic, my sponsor today is Paste-Pot Pete’s Pots of Paste! Looking to paste two things together with paste from a pot? Paste-Pot Pete’s Pot of Paste is the pastiest pot of paste around! Use discount code:PETERPETRUSKIPASTEPOTS for 30 percent off your first pot of paste from Paste-Pot Pete’s Pots of Paste!

Finally, after that tongue twister, Arcade… (off camera) HEY ✨ I SAID I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT HIM AFTER THE PIANO TRAP INCIDENT. Oh this is a different Arcade? Ahem Arcade’s drones hit record numbers the other day around the mansion. I found 3 in my room running scared from Grigori the fearsome hunter, ROAR! Hopefully he stops spying on us soon. Hey you know, that sounds just like the Arcade I know. What a coincidence ✨

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ it turns out I’m like REALLY talented at designing and repairing superhero costumes, so Glamour Galaxy is officially in the super suit business ✨ Use the link on our official website to book an appointment for suit repairs and design consultations! You can now save 25% off your orders when you tag us on social media wearing any of our products ✨

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, the first of two apparently, the Hisako Ichiki of this earth! We’ll find out a little bit about her, her history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list, first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 40 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature Manifold!

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

It’s time to boldly go in search of new flavors not yet discovered ✨ welcome to the second Tea-son!

First up, the Panther is on the prowl ✨ King T’Challa was seen the other day breaking up a vibranium smuggling operation. I guess all the vibranium in the world is found in Wakanda and is the sole legal property of them, who knew? King T’Challa if you’re listening I have a VERY important message for you. PLEASSSEEE GET ME ON THE REAL HOUSEWIVES OF WAKANDA ✨ Even if it’s just for one episode! It’s my favorite show in the entire world and I promise I won’t be an international embarrassment ✨ (off camera) What was that? Oh right, like I am to America! ………HEYYYY I just caught that!!!

Next up, my friends and I went to Eros Speed Dating a couple days ago and… it’s a match ✨ I met someone there, his name is Neal Shaara, and we’re going out again on Monday for a lovely little stroll in Central Park ✨ EEEEEkkkk I’m so excited! Oh and my employee, Annie, and my friend, Colin, sooooo got together and I’m happy for the two of them. Sidenote to the employees at Eros, I’m sorry for Aizaru’s thievery, I located everything he stole and it’s getting shipped back to you as we speak.

Finally, it looks like more drugs are hitting these streets. Authorities found MGH on a few known dealers a few days ago and are looking into a possible resurgence. I mean seriously people, MGH, Kick, Mutant “Cures”, do you have any standards for what goes into your bodies? In other news I have our sponsor for the episode to plug. Klaw’s Discount Vibranium goods, whether you want high fashion jewelry or high tech weapons, vibranium is SURE to make waves. Use discount code:BLACKPANSY to get 25% off your first purchase! …I’m not getting that “friend of” spot anymore ✨ am I?

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ What are they feeding these gods? One look at Thor, Hercules, or Angela has everyone gagged at their insane bodies! To help the listeners at home reach a “God Bod” fitness goal, I’m introducing all new fitness gear! I’m especially proud of the KhanQuer Yoga Leggings that will grow and stretch alongside you and all those gains! Coming soon to the online store for the low low price of $89.59 shipping and handling included for our Platinum members only ✨

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, headmistress of Xavier’s Institute, Emma Frost! We’ll find out a little bit about her, her history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list, first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 40 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature this universe’s Armor!

La Petite Fourchette, an undisclosed location in Chelsea

William: Thanks for seeing me again beautiful but was the blindfold really necessary?

Gosamyr: Anyone not on the list has to be blindfolded ✨ And I can NOT get kicked off the list.

William: I guess but I would have been fine with anywhere, there’s a Chili’s a quarter mile or so south of here.

Gosamyr: By the goddess a chain restaurant! Never!

The waiter comes by to get their order, he gives a suspicious look to William’s attire.

Waiter: What may I get for the lovely couple?

William: I’ll have a Coors light and the T-Bone, the lady will have the chicken Caesar and a glass of red.

Gosamyr: Oh no don’t do that… I’ll have the mushroom risotto and a glass of dom perignon please ✨

Waiter: Right away Madame.

William: Sorry I just thought…

Gosamyr: Sometimes I think for myself. Also I don’t eat meat… at all.

William: Right…

There’s a long pause. The sound of scraping cutlery and glasses clinking fill the air. Both think desperately on how to rescue the conversation.

Gosamyr: So what do you do for fun, outside of work.

William: I’m a big hunter, also fishing, hiking, anything active really.

Gosamyr: You kill animals for fun?!?! …Sorry that was a bit rude of me, I’m more of a social media girl. Do you listen to my podcast at all?

William: Not really, I don’t spend much time on my phone…

The waiter brings them their food. Silence fills the air. Gosamyr watches uncomfortably as Williams knife cuts through the bloody steak, the sinew separating with each stroke. Suddenly she’s not very hungry.

Gosamyr: So you don’t really know anything about me, why did you want to go out with me so badly?

William: I haven’t been able to get you out of my head since I met you. You’re in all my dreams and all my thoughts. I can only see your beautiful face every time I close my eyes.

Gosamyr: Oh… William I can magically affect your emotions and pheromones, that’s how I got you and your crew to help me. I think I poured it on too thickly for you. You need time away from me, it’ll go away eventually… I’m sorry ✨

William: Oh… so it’s not real?

Gosamyr: No, it never was… I’ll pay for your meal, I think it’s best you just leave though.

William: I…

Before he can finish his sentence two security guards throw a hood over his head and drag him out. A waiter bags up his meal and brings it out with them.

Gosamyr: sigh I wish it were real… maybe I should try speed dating ✨

She wets her finger and snuffs out the candle

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

All seasons must come to an end, but that doesn’t mean the Tea will. Welcome to the Tea-son One finale ✨

First up, I’m finally out of the infirmary ✨ I was having some memory issues with the concussion but that’s seemingly cleared up! Most of the other participants in the Chicago battle are still there so Gosamytes please send them some love ✨ Speaking of potential love, I’m going to give that foreman, William Talltrees a chance. We’ll be going to a secret five star restaurant that I had to spend 6 months networking just to get the name of! It’s called… wait no I’ll get blacklisted, sorry ✨

Next up, a submarine seemingly belonging to the reavers was found floating adrift with a bunch of holes and dead cyborgs. Ick! If that wasn’t enough Namor broke our headmistress’s window this morning and got oil and sea water all over the outside wall. Now I may not be a detective but maybe the two are connected? Stay tuned for when my guest arrives ✨ Either way I hear the racist cyborg Donald Pierce is dead. Someone should probably do a wellness check on Lady Deathstrike, I hear the two were totes close.

Finally, networking pays off! Ororo Munroe visited several African countries providing aid, including her former home of Wakanda ✨ You know it’s totes crazy to give up a queendom, but still she convinced them all to successfully block a UN vote to approve the production of a mutant cure. There may not be a “cure” for mutancy BUT there is a cure for bad Wi-Fi ✨ Switch to the MODOK MODEM for mind blowingingly fast internet! Use discount code:BRODOKKISSR for 25% off your first purchase!

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ a legend in the fashion industry, thought to be dead made her dramatic return! One of my idols, Janet Van Dyne showed up dramatically in the public eye again, and I for one cannot be more excited ✨ Janet, from one insectoid fashionista to another, let’s collab! Give the people what they want! Like Beyoncé and Gaga or Bucky and Cap nothing gets the fandom going like a team up! My people WILL be in touch with you ✨

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, the king of Atlantis himself, Namor! We’ll find out a little bit about him, his history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 40 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will be the premiere of season two, and will feature Emma Frost!

Gosamyr laid in the infirmary watching the clock tick by. It was discharge day for her, her mind swam waiting for the nurse to discharge her. They said she was going to leave at 9, it was already 9:57, what was taking so long? Were they going to tell her she was going to stay another day? Was she going into sepsis? What the heck even is sepsis? Doesn’t sound very glam…

Finally Nurse Annie Ghazikanian walked in.

Annie: “Gos, you’re free to go now.”

She would have leapt for joy if physically possible. Xabi helps her get out of bed with a cry of joy from her. She runs up and plants a kiss on Annie’s cheek.

Gosamyr: “Oh my goddess ✨ Thank you, thank you, thank you, EEEEEEEKKKK! By the way someone needs to dust the ceiling there’s a spider web in the back corner. BYEEEEE!”

Xabi and Gos stroll back to her room, Xabi carrying all of her belongings behind her.

Gosamyr: “When we get back I have so many things we need to do. My hands still messed up so I’ll need you to help me curl my hair, paint my nails, floss my teeth, get dressed, ooo and a shoulder massage would be fabulous ✨”

When she turns around Xabi has disappeared, her belongings in a dropped pile outside her door.

Gosamyr: “Wasn’t there somebody behind me?”

She shrugs and opens the door. Grigori runs to her and leaps into her arms. Gosamyr quickly swiveled to catch him in her good arm, he purred excitedly and began licking her nose.

Gosamyr: “Easy baby, easy, mommy misses you too ✨ Hey what’s this?”

Lying on her bed knocked over to one side is a giant pink teddy bear holding a small red envelope. Gos drops Grigori on her bed, not wanting an end to the attention he aggressively rubs against her while she opens the envelope.

“Dear Beautiful Gosamyr,

I haven’t been able to get you out of my mind since our fateful encounter. Days without you have felt like years and I long to be around you once more, to breathe the same air you breathe. I hope every night for your speedy recovery. Please return my messages.

Yours truly, William Talltrees”

Gosamyr sniffs the envelope, hints of rosewater, lilac, and strawberry, a delightful scent.

Gosamyr: “It’s that foreman again, he’s been dming me throughout the day asking me for a date ✨ This is very sweet, and he did save my life. What do you think, Grigori?

He rolls on the bed chewing the corners of the envelope.

Gosamyr: “You’re so right ✨”

Chelsea Piers Sky Rink

————————————

Gosamyr: How’d I let you rope me into this?

Cooper: The sparkly outfits!

Gosamyr: Okay true ✨ But I’m not very coordinated, if I fall once I’m docking your pay!

Cooper: …Better get you a crate then.

Gosamyr moves very slowly and carefully around the rink while Cooper guides her from behind.

Cooper: I’m shocked they didn’t have these on your home planet, you said it was pretty cold there normally.

Gosamyr: No this is definitely an Earth invention, I think I’m getting the hang of this…

Cooper: That’s great! Bye queen!!!

He takes off, leaving Gosamyr in his dust as he glides around the rink with the skills of an Olympic level figure skater.

Gosamyr: I swear when I catch him… ✨

OOC: completely open for any interaction

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

I might throw the tea kettle at my guests face today, hopefully not ✨

First up, the Teleportation Division has officially arrived in London. It’s been sooooo fun so far, asides from being hunted for sport. Okay actually not very fun but the hotel is gorgeous ✨ Shatterstar went to the opera, and our brave little intern has been doing crimes I guess. Lame! Hopefully our super secret mission tonight goes smoothly because the epsom salts aren’t cutting in relaxation wise so far.

Next, just like I had to do after my RoxxNews stint, Deadpool is on the apology train. It’s nice when people try to better themselves and make amends. Hopefully one day he amends the 20k I paid him for a job he never actually did ✨ But I digress. To help him out I’m introducing my new Celebrity Apology Turtleneck! Available in space grey this sweater is conservative enough to not flaunt your wealth but soft luxurious enough to secretly feel superior! Now sold at the tear jerking price of $103.99 ✨

Finally, I guess creativity blocks affect everyone because Arcade is officially crowdsourcing ideas for MurderWorld. Who in their right mind would give that many ideas for deathtraps?! Like a glue trap with a giant flyswatter that senses movement, or a piano that ties you up and suffocates you inside it. Hopefully he doesn’t listen to this podcast otherwise I’d have to edit those ideas out ✨

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ I’m officially in my hot college girl era, I’m going to get my Bachelor’s degree from Xavier’s so I can eventually get my MBA. Does Xavier’s have sororities? Probably not. Anyways, I’m officially partnering with Sauron’s Secondary Education Essentials to create college gear! Use discount code:MASTROFALL2NDPERIOD to get 30% off your first order at checkout. And wish me luck because it’s been 150 years since I was in school ✨

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, the girl who wrote that my hair was a lice motel, Monet Frost! We’ll find out a little bit about her, her history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 35 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature Longshot!

We find our heroine once more in the North Pennines, riding horses and chatting away with Cullen Bloodstone at noon. He’d offered to pay for Glamour Galaxy’s London Office’s construction in exchange for a trek with Gosamyr. A strange request, but not one she’d pass up easily.

Gosamyr: … and that’s why the State of New York called me “A dangerously distracted driver, unfit to ever possess any driver’s license!” (She says with a bragging smile)

Cullen: Fascinating, truly, but I hope you don’t think I brought you out here just to gab the day away.

Gosamyr: Well the scenery is breathtaking so I was hoping that was your ulterior motive. Why do you have some crazy business proposals as well?

Cullen: Not quite… Are you familiar with how my family earned their fortune?

Gosamyr: You’re all hunters right? But I won’t shoot cute little bunnies or foxes, so please don’t ask me too.

Cullen: Don’t worry dear, no such thing.

Gosamyr: Phew, for a second there I thought you were gonna ask me to do something totes insane!

Cullen snaps his fingers and a faint red and gold aura circles a 2km radius around them. A devilish grin spreads across his face. He keeps his hand readied by his rifle.

Cullen: Instead I’ll be hunting you.

Gosamyr: Say what?

Cullen: I’ve heard your species is quite elusive, being able to traverse planes of reality with relative ease. This barrier will prevent you from escaping, but I want to prove my worth as a hunter by snagging a… I’m sorry, what is your species called?

Gosamyr: (shaking visibly) ^(Umm.. sylklings.)

Cullen: Ah yes a sylkling. I’ll give you 10 minutes to flee before I hunt you down. If you survive the three hours you’re free to go, I’ll even pay to have your bathroom gold plated. But if I catch you, well I guess you won't have to worry about what I’ll win.

Gosamyr: And if I refuse?

Cullen: Can’t be done, sorry, it’s in the fine print of the contract we signed.

Gosamyr: I swear when I get my hands on my assistant I’M GONNA

Cullen: On your mark, get set, go!

He fires his gun off in the air. Gosamyr freaks out and immediately begins folding herself out of reality. Moments later he notices Gosamyr shaking clinging to a branch 5 feet away. He casually strolls up to the tree and fires off his gun, Gosamyr falls, startled by the noise.

Cullen: Oh come on now luv, you’re going to have to do much better than that!

Gosamyr screams and takes off running through the woods

-----------------------------------------------------------

45 minutes later Cullen continues skulking through the woods before coming to a small clearing. In the center is a small cardboard sign stating “Free Makeup thataway →” 

Cullen: What in the looney tunes plotlines, does she think I’m daft? I give her points for creativity though.

As he turns in the opposite direction from where the sign is pointing his foot gets caught on a thin but extremely strong strand of silk. He trips quickly and sprains his ankle, landing in the dirt. 

Cullen: OWW! Ah that cheeky tart got me! I can’t believe she outsmarted me.

He notices several other similar wires strewn around the clearing.

Cullen: Or she just got lucky…

------------------------------------------------------------

Another 30 minutes go by when Cullen notices small twigs snapped and wet grass leading from a small brook into a cave. With his gun readied he treads carefully, quietly, into the cavern. His ankle slowing him down somewhat. He can hear panting from inside.

Cullen: You know it’s not a wise idea to corner yourself.

Gosamyr (From deeper in the cave): Gosamyr’s not here please leave a message after the beep… BEEP.

Cullen: Really luv?

He sneaks around the corner and fires his rifle straight through the heart of Gosamyr. Or he would have if she was still there. 

Cullen: Snuck away again, but it seems you can’t stay invisible forever. Sooner or later I will get the drop on you…

He turns around and sees a growling bear entering the cave. 

Cullen: Bollocks…

-----------------------------------------------------------

2 hours and 10 minutes have passed, Cullen’s patience is wearing thin. Never in his years has he faced someone who is so unintelligent yet brilliant at the same time. 

Cullen: GOSAMYR YOU WILL MAKE A LOVELY MOUNTED HEAD ON MY MANTLE!

A branch snaps in the distance, he catches the sight of her last wing fold when she disappears from sight again. 

Cullen: I know you can’t get too far in this state, it’s time to pull out all the stops.

He removes the Bloodgem ring from his finger. A horrifying sight for anyone in eyeshot, tentacles rip from his body as he transforms into the terrifying Glartrox. He lets out a soul shattering roar and begins tearing through the forest. 

Gosamyr desperately flees trying to get as far as possible before she has to reform. Branches and small trees fly around, a dust storm trails behind her. 

Gosamyr: Shoot can he smell me better now that hes totes uggo?

She looks at the mud puddle before her. It reeks.

Gosamyr: Screw it!

She instead grabs the mint leaves next to the puddle and begins rubbing herself in them.

Gosamyr: Not even death is worth that!

---------------------------------------------------------

15 minutes left and the Glartrox nears in on Gosamyr, she’s been backed into a cliffside. 

Gosamyr: I don’t suppose I can offer you some mouthwash before you eat me? Your teeth are soooo gross. Oh wait I have an idea!

She flashes her new chompers in the beast’s eyes temporarily blinding it. Cullen screams out in pain as he reforms into his human form. 

Cullen: (rubbing his eyes) HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE?! 

Gosamyr pulls out her purse to find the .32 revolver that Grey had given her for her birthday.

Gosamyr: EAT HOT LEAD DIRTBAG!

The gun clicks when she pulls the trigger, but nothing comes out.

Gosamyr: ah shoot… well that sounded really cool at least

Cullen: Forget the ammo did ya? Pricey mistake.

His eyesight returns just in time to see Gosamyr pointing the barrel in his temple

Gosamyr: Bet this will still knock you out though.

She pulls the trigger, the force of the barrel explosion knocks Cullen off his feet. Gosamyr walks up to him with a silk strand in her hand. Just before she gets over him, he spins on his back, tripping Gosamyr and lunging at her with a hunting knife.

BING BONG

His knife stops mere centimeters from her throat. 

Cullen: Ah that’s time, congratulations you slippery tart, you actually survived the hunt.

Gosamyr: I think I just peed…

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

Time to break out the set, we have a super sized portion of tea today!

First up, twist my arm why don’t ya, the teleporter division’s unruly intern is demanding I report on the Young X-Men’s battle with Nuclear. I guess it was kinda interesting but I still don’t get how Zeke and Nuclear aren’t the same. The battle went totes off the wall, a bunch of people got hurt, more important heroes showed up, but in the end they won. Whoop Tea Doo ✨ Call me when there’s something more cute like a squirrel on a miniature jet ski. Wishing a speedy recovery to the survivors I guess.

Next, our Diamond Queen Emma Frost appeared in court to free Sabretooth! Now I’m sure she has a long term plan but… him? Really? I want to believe in Emma but that guys a total nutcase. Speaking of I have just the product that you’ll go nuts for ✨ Celebrate your birthday in style at the Silver Fox Spa! Let your cares melt away at their deluxe dirt nap mud baths! Wait you can bathe in mud? Weird. Anyways use discount code:HPYBDAYL0GAN at checkout for 20% off your first visit.

Finally, bad news for our Chinese Gosamytes! Tremors were sensed off the coast before the mighty Fain Fan Finger attacked? (Off camera) How do you say it? Oh Fing Fang Foom! What a tongue twister ✨ But a handful of superhumans helped to repel the attack, totes crazy. You humans have so many crazy monsters on Earth, it’s like your a magnet for world destroying beings. But speaking of magnetism, make sure you buy my new Ultra Volumizing Conditioner as seen on TV with Joseph for the low low price of $35.99 per bottle ✨

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ the London office is coming along swimmingly thanks to an unexpected donation from none other than Cullen Bloodstone! All he wanted in return was for me to join him on an excursion in the countryside. Weird huh? But hey, what could possibly go wrong?

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, three of the prettiest girls I’ve ever known, the Stepford Cuckoos! We’ll find out a little bit about them, their history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 35 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature Monet St Croix ahem Frost!

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

The tea keeps on coming so I hope you’re ready!

First up, it looks like our symbiote kaiju is none other than former podcast guest, Zeke! Not only that he totes kidnapped Armor. He’s clearly not in the right frame of mind like when I thought I could pull off green lipstick. Like I’m still stunning but that was crazy of me. Anyways someone should absolutely go rescue her. Not me though, I’m busy but more on that soon ✨

Next, Pixie held her first meeting of her Art Club. She calls it Arte Clube but I’m not gonna go for the tacky title 😵‍💫 respectfully of course ✨ My painting came out so great and now that I’m enrolled in college courses at Xavier’s I guess I can show up regularly. I just hope everyone doesn’t get ultra jealous of how talented I am. Turns out painting your face does translate to the canvas ✨

Finally, Manifolds teleport team has our first mission! So I guess Destiny must have a ton of juicy tea in her diaries because we’re gonna go around the world and collect them? Should be fun tho! Speaking of, our sponsor today is Marrina Cruise lines! Do you want to sail around Newfoundland in pure class? Join a Marrina Cruise with 20% your first journey using discount code: PLODEXDNA today ✨ What’s a plodex? Oh gross…

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ Glamour Galaxy is officially expanding! We’re opening 6 new locations worldwide in; Miami, San Francisco, London, Paris, Dubai, and Tokyo ✨ While I’m out with the teleport team I’ll be helping set up our new offices. While I’m gone, Cooper and Angel will be acting co-managers and I have the utmost faith in them. Okay like 70% faith, Glamour Galaxy is my baby and I’ve never left it with a sitter before! It’s fine I’m fine ✨

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, basically the national hero of Japan, Sunfire! We’ll find out a little bit about him, his history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 35 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature the Cuckoos!

Hey Earthlings ✨ I’m so excited to welcome you to the newest most amazing podcast everrr

✨ Hot GosSip ✨

Can you believe I’ve made up 25 intros around tea? Anyways don’t chip your cup, it’s Hot GosSip!

First up, it was my birthday yesterday and ughhh I spent the first half of it escaping from Spyder! Totes uncool to attack a girl on her birthday ✨ Anyways I ejected him into space then his ship blew up so HOPEFULLY that’s the last we’ve seen of him. *sips tea* But my birthday ended up being a blast. Everyone showed up, tons of fun carnival rides, presents, and most importantly the cake survived the heat. Next year I’m going on vacation though, that was FAR too much.

Next, a bunch of prisoners mysteriously vanished from their cells. Notable escapees include; Atlas, The Juggernaut, Radioactive Man, and even a juvenile delinquent, Anthony Varez. If anyone has any clues as to there whereabouts please report to your local authorities. In a completely unrelated ad, it’s never too early to shop for Valentine’s Day! So by your boo one of these miniature rock Fontaines ahem fountains by the Thunderbolt Organization today ✨ use discount code: CONTESSA1967 at checkout for 40% off your first order.

Finally, a new team of Young X-Men faced off against a massive monster in New York! The monster kind of reminded me of Zeke who I haven’t seen in a hot mo. But more importantly they all looked super fashionable in their new hand sewn outfits. No doubt they were sewn by one of the hottest fashionistas around ✨ Oh shoot, that’s probably saying too much. Glamour Galaxy LLC disavows any knowledge of the young X-men and their vigilante activities.

This week for ✨ Fashion News ✨ there must be some sort of new trend even I’m not aware of! Some girl came to my party with makeup that made her look like a zombie. No idea why but I’m kind of into it, it’s lowkey heroin chic. Anyways I’m calling this new trend CorpseMaxxing! I have a brand new Death Becomes Her Eyeshadow releasing tomorrow to capitalize on… I mean celebrate it ✨ It can be yours for the low low price of $39.95, talk about robbing the grave! The grave being my purse of course.

Finally I will interview this week’s guest, the mansions resident supercomputer, although technically we have a few of those but this one’s a human, Sage! We’ll find out a little bit about him, his history within the fashion world, and then we’ll play a fun game!

OOC: any replies can be in the form of comments etc… and if anyone else wants an interview let me know so I can add you to the list first come first serve, I am booked out to episode 35 right expect some weeks wait to be clear, next episode will feature Sunfire!

Gosamyr’s Space Yacht races towards Central Park as her team hurriedly dresses her and does her makeup. From the outside it looks like a NASCAR pit crew has kept into action.

Gosamyr: I’m totes gonna be late ✨

She begins breathing into a paper bag, panicking over every small detail that she couldn’t control

Cooper: Relax Gos, everything is set I personally saw to it, we all know how important this day is to you! Plus we got The Spice Girls to reunite, just for you.

She puts her hand on his shoulder

Gosamyr: I know you did great hon, my mind just has a mind of its own.

The yacht docks on the outskirts of the party a perfect 15 minutes fashionably late as Gosamyr steps out to celebrate her 577th birthday ✨* *

OOC: Open interaction have fun, every carnival attraction you can imagine is rented for everyone and lots of food everywhere ✨** **

When we last left our heroine there were mere moments before Spyder’s ship self-destructed. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Gosamyr: Hold tight girls, I’m not leaving without you!

Rosalia: You better know what you’re doing. 

Gosamyr: Don’t worry about that… okay maybe worry a little bit I’ve never actually used this before.

Panic strikes Rosalia and Myrtle as the countdown gets closer to zero. Gosamyr quickly pulls a flip phone looking device from her back pocket.

Gosamyr: Got this on the black market from a Fledorian trader. Hopefully it’s the real deal.

Myrtle: Hopefully?! 

Gosamyr: Yeah but it’s Fledorian so you know.

Myrtle: No, that doesn’t actually mean anything to us!

Gosamyr: Well you’re about to find out.

She folds her wings over herself once more performing the minor death, and disappears from sight. Through the ephemeral plane she passes through the shadow of the cage and stands next to the two women. With a bit more effort she folds her wings over them bringing them with her.

Rosalia: Woah, where are we? Everything is purple and misty…

Gosamyr: The ephemeral plane, it intersects with the material one but we can pass through it harmlessly. We don’t have much time so I’m punching in the coordinates, hold on to my wings girls and whatever you do don’t let go!

The girls brace themselves as Gosamyr hits the final button seconds before the ship detonates. Miles rush by in the blink of an eye as the girls are beamed down to a remote island. Fading back into reality they slowly get up, looking around.

Gosamyr: Everyone still have 4 limbs? Good the Fledorians only have three so I wasn’t sure everything was coming with us.

Myrtle: You risked us losing limbs?!

Gosamyr: Well, it was either that or be incinerated.

Myrtle: Point taken…

Rosalia: Now what?

Gosamyr: Now I call for rescue! 911 doesn’t work here, right? No probably not but I have a close second.

She dials her satellite phone and waits for Angel Salvadore to pick up.

Angel: HELLO?! Gosamyr where are you girl, your party starts at 8! Fashionably late is one thing but this is ridiculous. 

Gosamyr: I’m gonna have to catch you up but me and two of the interns are stranded on some remote island.

Angel: HOW THE… nevermind, can you tell me anything more specific or am I gonna have to do a satellite search? Wow I’m not paid enough for this c#&@.

Gosamyr looks around and notices the Moai straddling the shoreline. 

Gosamyr: OH! I read about this place in a travel magazine, we’re on Easter Island.

Angel: That’s… okay I’ll send one of the interns to pick y’all up, hang tight, oh and Gosamyr…

Gosamyr: Yes?

Angel: Happy birthday sis.

As we last left our heroine, she and her employees have been ensared by Spyder's trap and remain caged aboard his spacecraft

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Spyder: Well if it isn’t the little Gosamyr (he huffs a vial of rage) I bet you thought you’d won when last we met.

Staff Member 2: Gos? Who is this guy?

Gosamyr: A criminal, he tried to steal my entire family’s business then he exploited their biology for profit.

Spyder: Exploited? Why I merely made use of what I legally purchased.

Gosamyr: That’s not what the courts said!

Spyder drags his claw along the glass enclosure.

Spyder: Semantics, my dear, merely semantics. One court finds me guilty, whereas another would find me innocent. I see you’ve made quite the liberal use of my space yacht, my company name, MY FUNDS!!!

He bangs all his hands on the glass, sending his captives back in fear. He then stops to huff a vial of serenity.

Spyder: Forgive me, but it and it’s hirelings are now my property. As well as my business. Once it’s properties are liquidated it will join the same fate as it’s parents.

Staff Member 1: Don’t call her it! We’re all shes here.

Spyder: There are no she’s on my ship. The its are merchandise and will be referred to as such. I hope it’s comfortable, as it will be cocooning VERY soon.

Spyder cackles as he leaves the women in their prison.

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Hours go by, Gosamyr sits in the corner pouting as her two assistants look for a way out.

Staff Member 1: Hey Gos, we’re getting out of this right?

Gosamyr: I don’t know, last time I was captured by him he either let me out or I was rescued by the New Mutants. I’m not strong enough… (Tears stream down her cheeks.)

Staff Member 2: C’mon Gos, you’ve gotten out of worse jams on your own. (She goes to wipe away Gosamyr’s tears) You got away from Roxxon didn’t you?

Gosamyr: No… that was all Gwen, without her my mind would have been made into goop. I’m just a damsel in distress, but this time no knight in shining armor is coming to my rescue. 

Staff Member 2: Screw that!

Gosamyr: Excuse me? (She looks up with a mixture of anger for being spoken to like that and residual sadness)

Staff Member 2: You trained for years with those space monks, you restarted your own business, you rescued Grey months ago, be your own damn knight! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and use all your training. You’re not the same princessy alien you were years ago!

Gosamyr gets up, wiping away her tears.

Gosamyr: Hey, you’re right! What are your names by the way?

Staff Member 1: I’m Rosalia, that's Myrtle.

Gosamyr: Oh… Myrtle’s not a very chic name but by the goddess I needed that. Stay here, I’ll get us out.

She folds her wings over herself and disappears from sight.

Myrtle: Stay here? Where do you think we can go?!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Spyder reclines in his office huffing concentrated joy vials when a thud is heard outside his door.

Spyder: WHAT WAS THAT!

He grabs two laser pistols and creeps outside to investigate. As he rounds the bend he sees several of his guards laid out. Visual choke marks around each of their necks. He cracks a smile and begins tapping his pistols along the metal corridor.

Spyder: It thinks itself brave taking me on. But it’s wrong. It is but a fragile little insect caught in my web. And soon the big Spyder will devour his prey…

He rounds another corner pointing his pistol quickly, but nothing is there.

Spyder: Little Gosamyr may be able to hide herself from sight, but I can still hear it. Sooner or later it will have to show itself lest it be lost forever. Either way I win…

As he turns an invisible thread ties around his neck gagging him. Gosamyr bruised and bloodied hangs firmly from his back swinging with him as he tries to throw her off. Just as the last bit of oxygen drains from his lungs he jumps backward smashing Gosamyr against a wall. In that moment she loses her grip falling to the floor. Spyder clambers to his feet pulling the thread from his throat. 

Spyder: (Panting) Silly little insect thinks it can best me? Spiders eat insects. I was going to force it to make me silk until it perished but now I will do it in. 

Gosamyr slowly gets up panting as well.

Gosamyr: And sometimes Spyders get caught in their own webs.

She slams a button on the wall and a door clanks shut between them. A mechanical voice reads out “AIRLOCK ACTIVATED”. Horror spreads across Spyder’s face as he realizes what’s happened. 

Spyder: Insect thinks it can kill me? Insect is not worthy of my web! Insect and it’s friends will perish with me!

Spyder flips a switch on his belt activating a countdown.

Spyder: Farewell “its”.

Gosamyr: No! Rosalia… and… ^(myrtle)… we have to get out of here!

She folds her wings over herself once more and glides through the walls back to the chamber where her employees remain trapped.

Gosamyr: Hold tight girls, I’m not leaving without you!

Rosalia: You better know what you’re doing

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The ship explodes in high earth orbit… To be continued?

Gosamyr stands with her team surveying Central Park for her upcoming birthday party. Several members of her crew set floral arrangements as Gosamyr yells directions to them.

Gosamyr: NO I SAID THE HYDRANGEAS GO NEAR THE FOUNTAIN! THE ROSE ARCH GOES BY THE TREES SO THE PRESENTS DON’T GET WET!!!!

Staff Member: Yessss your highness…

Gosamyr: I promise I’m only mad because of my OCD once everything is in place I’ll be soooo zen ✨ Then I’ll order everyone chai.

A beam shoots down from the clouds enveloping Gosamyr and two of her staff members. They begin slowly floating up. The team members begin frantically trying to swim down to the ground.

Gosamyr: Woahhh someone… anyone… HELP?!?!

But it’s too late, the beam quickly picks up speed, before anyone can do anything they’re gone without a trace.

————————————————————————

The three of them awaken in utter darkness.

Staff Member 1: Where are we?

Staff Member 2: I don’t know! Gosamyr are you okay?

Gosamyr: Yeah… I’m a little woozy. Someone find a light switch please…

The lights turn on revealing a glass cage they’ve been trapped inside.

Descending the staircase is none other than Spyder.

Gosamyr: By the goddess, no ✨

Spyder sniffs a vial of ecstasy

Spyder: Yessss… it finds itself in my possession once more.