u/GovernmentSerious171

Honestly, I’m not sure why I’m writing this other than to just get it out into the world.

I met my wife when I was 21. She was 26, smart, tough, and we aligned on values and faith. We got engaged after two years and married two years later.

Early on I saw red flags, but she told me about severe past trauma and PTSD. I saw it as a reason to love and forgive her more, I thought the bad was a response, and I knew “the real her.”

Things got worse over time. Meltdowns, hitting me, throwing things, locking me in rooms, suicide threats, rewriting history. I excused it as trauma responses. I didn’t realize it was BPD until we were already married. She refused any real accountability for the physical abuse, double standards, threats, or character attacks.

I got us into couples therapy twice. Both times she quit as soon as we started addressing the serious incidents (police showing up, her threatening self-harm, etc.).

This spring I finally hit my limit. I arranged DBT + EMDR therapists for her. She went to a couple sessions, lied to them, and quit. When I pushed for real change, she discarded me.

We signed a managed separation agreement for structured space and work on the marriage. The very next day she reneged on it. Since then it’s been constant blame, DARVO, and her telling me to stop texting while continuing to text me how awful I am.

I took a scam job, failed my classes, and I’m in the worst financial and mental state of my life. She took most of our tax return and refuses to pay her half of rent.

I still haven’t told my family the full story because they would never let me reconcile with her if they knew everything.

I’m 26 in a few days. I gave up friends, school, and basically my entire early adulthood for this. Now I’m asking my parents for rent help for the first time in my life.

I know the classic BPD pattern when I see it now. I just wish I had seen it sooner.

Anyway… just needed to get this out. Wish me luck.