u/Gr0On

I have an old habit of trying to force emotional intimacy quickly. I.e. venting too much, flirting, trauma dumping, etc.
It’s mostly strategic/manipulative, but also validation/attachment seeking in an impulsive manner.

1. It’s useful for practical needs (like trying to manipulate them into getting me out of an abusive environment)

2. I want someone to see and validate my pain. It feels good knowing someone sees how horrible everything has been.

Example thought process: this person could be useful. They could get me out of my current toxic home quickly, or I could get money out of them. I need someone to care… please make me feel ok.

Sometimes they just become a sounding board to see how the more unethical or morally questionable patterns would be handled or perceived by actual humans.

It feels like my childhood turned my mind into a morally questionable, opportunistic, emotionally stunted, needy, scientist-of-myself-and-society.

Which language would make me look better? Or help? My friends are learning Russian, so if I stick with that I have a higher chance of them not winning, but if I switch to something easier could learn faster and won’t just know English… but then I could learn something like Japanese, French, or Italian, people like those languages so if I learn one of those they’ll like me by extension.
No matter which path I choose… I can’t win… but I need to pick something! If I go with an easier language it implies I’m not smart enough for something more difficult, if I choose a harder language I make more mistakes and look stupid, if I choose Russian and those idiots get ahead of me… I’ll have to see it. If I choose something useless to me I won’t get to use it.. to show people that I know something amazing