AITA For refusing to do all the housework?
I live with my partner, D. We've been together for over 3 years now.
Chores have been a common issue between us, from the very start. Beyond chores, we live together well.
For some backstory:
The first few months we lived together were at D's aunt's. She was very kind to let us stay there paying minimal rent (I paid majority of our share, D paid like 40$) and only asked us to help out a little, like doing the dishes every so often, keeping tidy, taking the dog out when Aunt wasn't home, etc. After some months, D began asking me to do his part in chores, but would still do some when asked directly by Aunt.
Eventually, Aunt asked us to leave so D's sister and kids could move in. Finding an apartment was hard given the short notice, but eventually we settled on just moving to a unit upstairs. D's mother also needed an apartment, so things fell into place and the three of us moved in together.
At this apartment, D AND Mother both laid chores onto me. D began using the reasoning that since I was home all the time (online schooling), I had more time on my hands for housework. Mother was/is a hoarder, so D and I were surrounded by her boxes of crap always. In the summer, I went on vacation to Quebec for a little under a week. I had cleaned up beforehand and returned to a shit hole. Dishes everywhere in the kitchen, laundry piled up, nothing done while I was gone at all.
After our lease was up, D and I said good riddance to Mother and got our own apartment. Got another one since, with just us.
D has continued using the reasoning of me being home all the time as a reason why I should do all the chores. "You have more time than I do". I've brought him to my therapy sessions to have somewhat of a couple's session, to which he has seemed receptive to, but then things go back to how they were.
I am currently unemployed and not in school, but will be going back to school in either fall or winter, depending on how fast I can fix issues with my transcript. With this, I've asked D what will happen when I'm busy with my full time course, to which he says something like "we'll make it work", which I take as "you'll make it work".
For the first 2 years I basically did his every bidding, trying not to complain. But 3 years of all the things, big and small, add up. He leaves so many things around that I'm expected to pick up. He puts so little care into cleaning up after himself it feels like I'm living with a child. Dirty dishes on top of the dishwasher type of things.
2 months ago we put together a chore chart, reccomend by my therapist, and assigned chores. Majority are assigned to me, which is fine, but he doesn't do half the ones assigned to him.
His chores are: Pick up clothes from the floor, dust occasionally, load dishwasher, clean front entryway, garbage OR recycling, do half of laundry.
He's not a breadwinner, I pay my half of everything. If he was paying for my rent, I'd happily clean up after him, but he's not. It doesn't seem fair.