I told my mom I put my life on hold for her and dad and I regret it
First some context that led to this: When I was 18, early into my senior year of highschool (so mid 2017), we were evicted from our home. We moved into an extended stay hotel. Mom went back to work, dad went back to work and lost his disability benefits with it, and my older sibling began giving pretty much all of their pay check to the household so all five of us could stay together. I was told to just focus on school, and my cousin was too young and incapable of work to begin with. Fast forward some months, I turn 19 and graduation is soon. Just after spring break, my parents both decided to move states with my (non blood related) aunts and their grandkids. And they decided moving day would be immediately after my graduation. I was 19 with no legal ID. I couldn't drive, I was still homeless in a one room hotel along with the four of them, no job, no money. I had no choice but to go or be left behind and on the street. I didn't really want to go because my choice of college was there and so was a scholarship only eligible in that state and so were all my friends. So we move, I'm still unemployed. Will be for the next couple years. I finally get my ID at 21. Pandemic hits and I lost the job interview I had lined up. Pandemic ends and I get a job and finally start to contribute to the household. Working only 12 an hour, up to 12 hour days, I'm bad with money, I'm still young and it's the first time I've even held a 100 dollar bill in my hands so I was pretty irresponsible with my spending, I admit that. I go into my second year of working, mom and dad are still working. I decide "hey I'm gonna move out, too, just like my older sibling". Now mom will forever deny this but she did in fact say "you wouldn't survive on your own" and that's when I stopped apartment hunting for the time being. Then December rolled around, mom had an accident that put her out of work indefinitely. Then Dad went blind in February thanks to 50/50 surgical chance. I suddenly became the primary income provider. They had disability, but it didn't cover everything, especially rent, so most of my checks went to them. No chance at saving. No chance at moving out. How could I when they were both too disabled to work? I would be a bad child if I just left my own parents high and dry with an unlivable income. So I stayed and I worked more for them than I did myself.
Now it's 2026. I just turned 27. I'm still living with my parents because I feel too obligated to leave. An argument between my older sibling and mom erupted and my sibling told mom what I told them (that I probably can't pay them gas this week because I took out almost 300 in my pay to help with groceries at mom's insistence, which directly screw with my check). Mom calls me a backstabber and sends me text after text about how I betrayed her and how she's better off dead because she's apparently such a bad mother that her own children would treat her this way. This is an hour before I go to work. I go to work and she's still sending these texts. Ignoring her made it worse. So I try to apologize and then compromise terribly by just saying she can have all my paycheck, that I didn't care anymore. Things get heated literally; I'm mad, I'm still crying from earlier and from the current texts, in the locker room at work, and it's got to be 100F degrees upstairs in the housekeeping office where I work. And I said, stupidly, that I'm almost 30 and haven't gone anywhere in life because I put my life on hold for them. I didn't mean to imply they were a burden on me, that didn't even occur to me in the moment. Now, at 4:30 in the morning, she's still sending me guilt tripping and self deprecating texts and accusing me of abusing her. All unprompted because I was asleep by 1am after my shift ended at midnight.
I don't know how to fix this. I wanted to apologize this morning in person and explain I didn't even mean to imply they're a burden on me and give the full context what I did mean, as well as to maybe set the boundary that I didn't like her texting me all those mean walls of texts over and over again for hours while I was on the clock. But now, after waking up to use the bathroom and checking my phone for the time only to see that 4:30 text notification, I don't know. There's no getting through to her. No use patching things up. If I keep ignoring her texts, she's probably going to come in and instigate a fight. I'm on the lease so I can't just move out. I also don't have the money to move out to begin with. I also feel bad if I do move out because they still can't work and my older sibling is unreliable. Mom's disability check is only 66 dollars, and dad's is like 1,030 or something the last I checked. She has heart problems and complications from the fall she took two years ago as well as a 30 year old botched surgery and dad is legally blind. I can't just leave them to fend for themselves. But I'm also getting incredibly tired of supporting them and barely being able to support myself. I can't help but think it's their fault for how shitty and difficult my life already is. I could be graduating from college by now. I wouldn't feel so alone and isolated right now if we didn't move and I hadn't left all my friends behind. I can't even share these feelings with her because she'll just accuse me even further of calling her a burden and abusing her.
TLDR; At 18 my life was turned upside down and now I'm 27. Regretfully and accidentally implied my parents are burdens to me because I told mom I put my life on hold for her.