First time regret (slight NSFW warning)
Ok so for context im 18 years old and currently living in a physical and emotional abuse household.
One day I was terrified to the point I had escape somewhere. I called Mt boyfriend and like the amazing person he is , he picked me up after he clocked out from work.
He told me to pack as much stuff as I could because he was genuinely worried about me.
15 minutes past and I successfully make it past my dad and to my bfs car and he drives me to his house.
Im crying in his arms because I was genuinely tired and I didn't know what to do. I was able to spend the night with my bf but his parents said keep the door open.
He made sure I was comfortable by letting me wear his clothes. And then he starts talking about how horny he is ,we both like laughing and joking around but I tell him I'm not really in the mood.He understood because he knew I wasn't mentally ok.
Time passes and it's now 2am. He starts kissing me and I kissed back. And then boom he goes "Do you wanna do it?" I wasnt really sure if I wanted my first time to be like this because I didn't even know where I was gonna lay my head the next day. But I agreed.I don't know why ,I just did.
"Now we're proving your parents right"he said. That stuck with me. Because for the longest my parents were slut/whore shaming me even tho I was a virgin and was willing to prove myself on multiple occasions.
Afterwards ,I felt this wave of depression like I lost a piece of myself that night.I don't really have anyone to talk to besides my boyfriend.I kinda just keep things to myself because I dont have a great support system at home.
Also for those wondering, I decided to just go back home.My parents don't know or anything but they infact make my life worse everyday.