I'm new with this
I don't know if I have rocd or not. But I know I have thoughts that I don't want to have.
I'm in a relationship since 2021, my first serious (and adult) relationship, and in 2023 I let myself like a guy of my class (in the moment I was doing my best to ignore my feelings and let it go away). I was 18/19 at the time. After that I started having worse and worse thoughts about other people: sexualising, thinking if I wanted to be with them and being over analytical of every interaction I had with everyone except my family and my boyfriend.
After that, I think it started to get worse. There are different things that maybe shaped me or my mind, things of my childhood (trigger warning: cocsa). After some time I noticed that those thoughts started to involved part of my boyfriends family, and after that my family, kids and animals.
All of this affects my relationship. My boyfriend knows me very well so he knows when I had a sexual/intrusive thought and every time it happens it ends in a discussion, because we always talk about it (if not, he says I'm laying/hiding things and he says that's something I have to change). He wants me to eliminate the thoughts, and says it's possible, it's just me that doesn't want/care enough to do it or to find a way to eliminate these thoughts. I know that part of my thoughts trigger one of his worst traumas so I try to let it go and don't feed the thoughts, but I'm not being able of eliminating the thoughts yet.
I'm going to therapy since 2023, and I feel that I'm not making big progress in the aspects that matters in my relationship. Not only with this intrusive/obsessive thoughts, but also other things. I feel like I'm not making any progress where it matter and I don't know what else to do. I don't have a diagnosis.
Honestly I don't know what else to do, and in some way I don't even know how I'm feeling or who I am. I don't know if searching a psychiatrist instead of a psychologist will help me, I don't know if it'll be a good idea to start taking some medicine or what. In the last month I feel that things are getting worse, in general.