u/Gray_Man1415

I've never used reddit before so I hope I'm doing this right. Thanks in advance. Some backstory , in short my wife F(31) and I M(32) have been married for 3 years but together for 6. My wife and I have both had really bad relationships in the past prior to meeting each other. I was married previously for only a year to a woman that cheated and financially abused me(not that important but for context). My wife hasn't been married before but was in a long term relationship with a man that physically abused her for many years before she finally left him.

We've both struggled with our pasts, not just relationships but childhood trauma. Not that it's extremely relevant but we were both s* abused as children. We both had very different and unhealthy ways of handling our trauma before going to therapy. I'm not going to go into myself much but I had substance abuse issues before we met. She would drink, not heavily by most people's standards, but would often shut herself away in bed if she was having a particularly stressful week.

About 2 years ago we had a fight and let everything out and told each about everything including the abuse. It was hard for both of us. For myself in particular it was things I'd never even said out loud before. It was good in a way for us to really let everything out that we'd both been holding onto for years. We both decided to go to therapy. Not couples therapy but separate to work on our individual issues.

My wife ended up having to spend 2 months in an out of state at a mental health retreat(not a facility) per her therapist's recommendation. It was hard being apart for that long, but we worked through it. She was diagnosed with acute bipolar disorder and started medication for it.

We just welcomed our daughter 9 months ago, our first child for both of us. I knew when we found out she was pregnant that postpartum was going to be especially difficult given her condition. The first 6 months post birth were arguably the best time I've had in my life so far. She took 6 months off work with the intention of being a stay at home mom. It was a decision we made together but I told her if she ever wanted to go back to work I wouldn't have an issue with it.

I make enough money with my job to cover all our bills with more in the winter time when my job gets busy and there's more overtime. Well 3 months ago she decided she wanted to go back to work at a different job doing something different. Which again is fine. I told her to do what she wants to do and have a fun job. Then, if she ever starts to hate her job just quit and she can always go back to being a stay at home mom. So far she seems to love it and her mom watches the baby during the day. She only works 3 or 4 days a week and we pay her mom to watch her.

Recently, my wife's therapist moved out of state and left the practice. They offered her another therapist in the practice and I thought she'd switched to a new therapist. My wife told me about a month ago that she never went back to a new therapist because, according to my wife, she didn't want to start over with a new person. I understood. I know a bond with a therapist is hard to make and I know the desire to keep that connection. I asked her if she could still keep her original therapist and maybe do a zoom meeting but apparently her old therapist is no longer doing therapy in her new state. I know my wife has made a great many strides in her mental health over the years and I know if she was really in need she'd find help or ask for help. I was wrong.

Two weeks ago she was very short tempered with me and her mom. Her mom and I didn't really make a big deal of it with her condition, even medicated, she's still prone to some mild mood swings that last a day or two. After a week I asked her if she was feeling ok and if she needed to talk. She just brushed me off. After pressing a bit the next day she finally let it out that she's been feeling overwhelmed mentally the past month or so and angry at me for not noticing until she started to shut down.

I admit that it was my fault for not paying closer attention to her mental state, but I honestly thought we were at a point where she'd talk to me. She said that she's upset that her therapist left and doesn't have anyone to talk to about how she's feeling. I told her we can find a new therapist but she repeated how she doesn't want to start over. She then told me she stopped taking her meds and has been making excuses to the psychiatrist and avoiding going to the psychiatrist. She told me that she knows I stress about money and that, being summer time, things are a little tight. She felt she needed to do something to help relieve my stress.

As I said before I know money is one of my personal issues I struggle with but it's not like we're behind on stuff. I told her it's always like this in the summer when things slow down and in a month or two we'll have that extra money to spend on stuff we want. I reassured her she doesn't need to work just because of money and that I've been trying to work through my personal issues with my fears on that subject. I told her we're not in a bad spot financially, like I was in my previous marriage.

That's when the real issue came out that I can't figure out how to deal with. She said she doesn't want to be here anymore. She said her suicidal thoughts are back and she can't handle them(she's had attempts in her past). I can't force her to get help and I don't know who to call or what to do. I don't think she's to the point of trying but I feel lost and helpless. I know she's crying out for help but I truly don't know how to help her.

tl:df My wife stopped going to therapy and taking her medication for bipolar disease. Her mental health is failing fast and I don't know how to help her or get her help without forcing her.