u/Great-Beautiful-8996

My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years now, and ENM from the start. More recently we have become a polycule, as she has entered another relationship.
When starting our relationship, polyamory was not part of the picture, but I could see from early on in how she dated that she was naturally drawn to connections that were deeper and more committed than what I would associate with FWB. About 4 months ago, she started to see her other partner, and after a couple months of difficult conversations, we grew closer to each other than we have ever been, and that has not changed since she has made her other relationship official.
What is surprising me at the moment is that the jealousy I expected to have isn’t there, but a different feeling has come up seemingly in its place. I know that my partner is not making plans to cohabitate with anyone or start a family anytime soon. And while I don’t necessarily need to have kids, I do want to plan my life with another person. I want to grow old with someone I love, and would love to do that with her, but I’m also not going to try to force her to make that decision right now or ever.
We already discussed the situation, and I told her I want to take some time to make a choice myself: either stay in this relationship with the person I love, despite not knowing if our goals will ever align, look for a life partner while staying in our relationship, or leave the relationship and try to find that someone on my own. She asked if I thought this take me weeks, months or longer to figure out, and I told her that I would like to give it a couple months. Part of my reasoning here is that I am aware that this could just be a reaction to the shift to polyamory, and while I don’t feel jealous, this is how my brain is trying to protect me. If I let time do its thing, maybe that feeling goes away. Of course, if that does happen, there’s always the chance that those same feelings resurface in the future, which I told her as well. She was very understanding, and while the convo made us both sad, I appreciate how open and respectful we are in these situations.
For further context, we’re both in our early 30s. I know if what I want is to start a family with someone, I still have some time to do that even if I spend another year or two in this relationship and decide I want something different.
This has been the best relationship of my life so far. I’m bi, very kinky, and grew up in a repressed religious household. Having someone who fully sees, excepts and celebrates my sexuality, having a relationship without any shame and so much joy, it just doesn’t feel like that’s something I can throw away. I don’t know if we’ll spend our lives together, but I also don’t know if I’ll find these qualities in another partner. It’s not that I feel that way because I don’t think I deserve love (although that was once the biggest problem I had), I just don’t think that connections of this quality are easy to come by, and life feels too short to throw that away for something I may never find.
So I’m asking for thoughts: are these feelings typical when entering poly life? If so, how have some of you worked through them by yourself or with your partner(s)?

My partner and I have been together for 1.5 years now, and ENM from the start. More recently we have become a polycule, as she has entered another relationship.
When starting our relationship, polyamory was not part of the picture, but I could see from early on in how she dated that she was naturally drawn to connections that were deeper and more committed than what I would associate with FWB. About 4 months ago, she started to see her other partner, and after a couple months of difficult conversations, we grew closer to each other than we have ever been, and that has not changed since she has made her other relationship official.
What is surprising me at the moment is that the jealousy I expected to have isn’t there, but a different feeling has come up seemingly in its place. I know that my partner is not making plans to cohabitate with anyone or start a family anytime soon. And while I don’t necessarily need to have kids, I do want to plan my life with another person. I want to grow old with someone I love, and would love to do that with her, but I’m also not going to try to force her to make that decision right now or ever.
We already discussed the situation, and I told her I want to take some time to make a choice myself: either stay in this relationship with the person I love, despite not knowing if our goals will ever align, look for a life partner while staying in our relationship, or leave the relationship and try to find that someone on my own. She asked if I thought this take me weeks, months or longer to figure out, and I told her that I would like to give it a couple months. Part of my reasoning here is that I am aware that this could just be a reaction to the shift to polyamory, and while I don’t feel jealous, this is how my brain is trying to protect me. If I let time do its thing, maybe that feeling goes away. Of course, if that does happen, there’s always the chance that those same feelings resurface in the future, which I told her as well. She was very understanding, and while the convo made us both sad, I appreciate how open and respectful we are in these situations.
For further context, we’re both in our early 30s. I know if what I want is to start a family with someone, I still have some time to do that even if I spend another year or two in this relationship and decide I want something different.
This has been the best relationship of my life so far. I’m bi, very kinky, and grew up in a repressed religious household. Having someone who fully sees, excepts and celebrates my sexuality, having a relationship without any shame and so much joy, it just doesn’t feel like that’s something I can throw away. I don’t know if we’ll spend our lives together, but I also don’t know if I’ll find these qualities in another partner. It’s not that I feel that way because I don’t think I deserve love (although that was once the biggest problem I had), I just don’t think that connections of this quality are easy to come by, and life feels too short to throw that away for something I may never find.