Am I (23F) wrong for wanting to move out after this fight with my (24F) girlfriend?
I (23F) and my gf (24F) have been together for 3.4 years, and recently we had a huge fight. It got really bad because I ended up doubling down during the argument and basically crashed out.
Earlier that day, she was already frustrated about everything. The heat was unbearable, she was stressed about her boss, and even small things were pissing her off, like the guy knocking on our door every morning asking if we have trash to throw out.
Around 10 AM, someone knocked again and she got annoyed, so I told her to just go back to sleep and not react because I’d handle it.
Around 12 PM, she woke up because she had asked me to wake her up, but I let her sleep a little longer because I know how she gets when she has to wake up early. She gets really grumpy and cranky. When she woke up, she started doing work on her tablet and was mumbling curses about her boss, saying “f you” and stuff because her boss wasn’t being clear with feedback on her work, which made her even more frustrated.
At that point, I didn’t really have much to do, and I was already feeling off because of how the day was starting, so I just gave her space.
Before cooking lunch, there were dishes from the night before that I had used to cook and eat. She explicitly said she’d clean them, but I didn’t want to bother her because I know washing dishes is her least favorite chore and I knew she was already irritated. So I just cleaned the dishes I needed for cooking and left the rest because I also know she gets upset when she feels like she didn’t follow through on something she said she’d do.
I cooked a late lunch for both of us and made matcha too. She was already complaining about how hot it was, so after cooking we turned on the AC, ate lunch, and watched YouTube videos together. Honestly, everything seemed fine at that point.
After lunch, the dishes were still in the sink. She started working again and I told her she could use my PC since I didn’t have anything to do except a team meeting at 5:30 PM.
So she used my PC while I did my own thing. The dishes were still there and I kept debating whether I should clean them, but this has been happening a lot where I end up covering for her when it comes to washing dishes because she complains about it so much.
Before my meeting, I told her I needed my PC back soon, and she moved to the bed and continued working on her tablet. Everything still seemed normal.
After my meeting, I told her she could use my PC again, and that’s when I noticed she looked pissed off again. She started complaining about how hot it was, but I didn’t think much of it because I felt like anything I did might annoy her, so I just let her be.
I was scrolling on my phone when suddenly she got up aggressively and started sweeping the floor. She told me that next time, when she’s clearly frustrated like that, I should take initiative and clean the floor myself.
I was honestly caught off guard and felt bad, so I just quietly said, “okay.”
Then I went back to scrolling on my phone, which I think pissed her off even more.
Trying to make things better, I decided to wash some dishes so I could cook dinner for us instead of ordering food like we originally planned.
I didn’t say anything, I just started cleaning the pan and rice cooker.
She immediately reacted and said, “You don’t have to wash the dishes. All I wanted was for you to help me sweep next time.”
At that point I felt hurt, confused, and honestly kind of shut down. Her tone felt aggressive, and I saw her rubbing her face in frustration through the reflection and it just triggered something in me.
I’ve already told her multiple times that I don’t like being spoken to like that, especially when she gets frustrated and starts taking it out on me.
I bit my lip and kept washing dishes because I could feel myself getting scared, hurt, and angry.
She kept saying I shouldn’t be washing dishes and that I should’ve just understood what she needed, like sweeping the floor or turning on the AC.
The AC part, I kind of understood. But we’ve been using it a lot this month and trying to save money, so it honestly wasn’t something I’d automatically turn on unless she directly said she wanted it.
That’s when I completely snapped.
It felt so unfair that she expected me to read her mind and know exactly what she needed without communicating it directly.
I told her she could’ve just asked me instead of waiting for me to fail some unspoken test.
That’s when the argument got worse.
She said she always knows how to care for me when I’m having a hard time and that she always caters to what I need, and that I don’t do the same for her.
That hurt because I genuinely feel like I consider her in almost everything I do. We’re both in survival mode right now, living paycheck to paycheck, trying to save money and pay bills.
I ended up telling her that she’s unfair and that whenever she gets frustrated, she treats me badly. It feels like she can go from being sweet to being angry at me in a split second.
I got so overwhelmed that I contacted our landlord about possibly moving out next month. I haven’t fully decided yet, but I told them I’d let them know soon.
She said if I move out, we’re breaking up.
And in the middle of all that frustration, I agreed.
Now I don’t know what to do.
I don’t know if I’m overreacting.
I don’t know if moving out is the right decision.
I just feel exhausted.
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TL;DR: My girlfriend was stressed and frustrated all day over work, the heat, and small things, and I tried giving her space while also helping where I could. Later, she got upset that I didn’t “take initiative” to do things like sweep the floor or turn on the AC without her asking. I felt like she expected me to read her mind, and her aggressive tone triggered a bigger argument about how she treats me when she’s frustrated. It escalated so badly that I contacted our landlord about moving out, she said that would mean breaking up, and I agreed in the heat of the moment. Now I’m exhausted and don’t know if I’m overreacting or if moving out is the right decision.
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PS. I’m usually just a lurker here and most of my activity on this account has honestly just been Shein-related stuff lol. I actually made a post about our relationship here last year too but deleted it, and I really took a lot of the advice to heart and genuinely tried to improve things from my end after that. I honestly didn’t expect to be posting about our relationship again, but here I am.