I want a mommy makeover and my husband is strongly against it
I’m 33F, married to my husband (34M), and we have two beautiful boys together 8 and 9.
Ever since we got married, we’ve always combined finances completely. Everything either of us earns goes into the same place, we budget together, save together, and although we sometimes overspend, overall we function as a team financially. We do well financially and are currently in the process of building our house.
Here’s the issue.
For a while now, I’ve been feeling really unhappy with my body. After pregnancies, there are things that just never went back to how they were before. I diet, I exercise, I try to take care of myself, but honestly some things simply can’t be fixed with that alone, and when I look in the mirror I don’t recognize myself anymore.
I’ve tried bringing up the idea of getting a mommy makeover, and my husband reacts very negatively every time. He says he loves me exactly as I am, that he’s terrified of the risks of major surgery, that complications can happen, that I could die, etc. It’s never been a hard “NO,” but it’s a constant emotional pushback. To him, this feels superficial and unnecessary.
And this is where I feel conflicted: if I had separate finances or if I were single, I honestly would have gotten the surgery already. But because our finances are combined, I feel like I need his approval to spend a large amount of money on something he fundamentally doesn’t support.
My husband is loving, and I genuinely believe his fears come from love, not control. But at the same time, I feel frustrated because it’s my body, and I’m the one living with feeling uncomfortable in it every day.
I honestly don’t know if I’m being selfish, superficial, or unfair for wanting to do this anyway. I also don’t know if he’s being reasonable or if he’s crossing a line by constantly discouraging me.
I’d really appreciate outside opinions because I feel stuck between “it’s my body” and “we’re married, so major decisions should be made together.”