u/Greedy_Shop

I’ve cut (not really, more so non bleeding scratches) when I was 15 or so. im 20 now and my life has fucking sucked for the past month. im tired, miserable, my mom is a jerk and i have to live with her for 3 more months until school is back in and i move out. she’s sick rn so ive been taking care of her for the past week while working and it’s driving me up a fucking wall. we argued because she annoyed me and i got so emotionally overwhelmed i cracked open the first aid, got a knife, and went to cutting, only it wasn’t real cuts because im too chickenshit to actually draw blood for whatever stupid reason.

my mom comes in right in the middle of me doing this and calls no attention to it. knife to my arm, first aid sprawled on my bed, and she calls attention to none of it. assuming she just doesn’t care.

because I’m an idiot and I don’t know how to actually draw blood I ended up punching the shit out of myself because I like that pain better and it leaves no scars. Plus it can leave bruises. I really want it to bruise because I think my arms would look so pretty with purple ish bruises.

ig my question is how to make sure it bruises. I want people to know im struggling. I want my mother to see the pain im in and I want her to writhe knowing she can’t do shit about it. I want her to see me destroy myself. How do I do this?