Diagnosed with schizoid accentuation, but I think it's schizoid PD. Lonely, isolated, no friends, no dreams, no drive
I’m a 25-year-old guy living in Khabarovsk, Russia. I’ve been treated for depression and during my hospital stay I was diagnosed with “schizoid accentuation.” Personally, I think it’s closer to schizoid personality disorder—I’ve felt like a stranger my whole life.
I have no friends, no real dreams, no ambitions. I’m not interested in making a lot of money. I can’t seem to find a job, even though I have a bachelor’s and a master’s degree and I’m not stupid. My hobbies are mostly intellectual—chess, Linux, languages, heavy music.
I can’t handle small talk or play social roles. It’s exhausting and feels fake. Finding a partner is especially hard because in Russia (especially in a provincial city like Khabarovsk) social expectations are very rigid. My personality type just doesn’t fit into the usual boxes.
For the past few years I’ve been living in near-total isolation. It became much worse after my brother moved out and I was left completely alone.
I’m not sure what I’m looking for here. Maybe to hear if anyone else feels this way, or if there’s any path forward that doesn’t require becoming a completely different person.