How to Communicate Hurt in the Moment Without Shutting People Out
My girlfriend and I love to be playful and occasionally that goes into trading playful burns/razzing each other a bit. Obviously only surface level and we usually know where the line is. Additionally we will sometimes be talking about topics that we just don't see eye to eye and respectfully end up disagreeing.
In both seperate scenarios I keep running into a reoccurring issue that ends up making us both feel awful. Sometimes when talking about a heated topic that we don't agree on there comes a point where even though it isn't directed at me the "heatedness" of the conversation starts making me anxious or upset. The same happens sometimes when we are razzing each other where it starts to hit a little to close to home and it hurts.
In both scenarios sometimes it takes some time before I realize I'm pulling back or I'm getting upset. Bc my self awareness is awful. And by that point I'm either frozen or even a bit passive aggressive. Then I often end up going quiet or in my gf's perspective suddenly stop being playful with no explanation or even hostile. And it blind sides her and makes her feel bad.
I know I need to get better at realizing when it is starting to go too far and be able to cut off the conversation with communicating that I am being hurt. So that she can apologize and we can move on without me actually becoming hurt and her feeling whiplash without understanding why. But I don't know how to even begin. It's so hard to know when it's getting to be too much until it is.
Specifically I want to know how to identify when something has crossed a boundary into hurt. And coping skills to better regulate in the moment to be able to communicate it.
Any tips on developing this skill would be appreciated. Coming from a home where we never communicated feelings and were punished for it, is a work in progress to unlean.
Also if anyone has a more specific subreddit you think this would be better posted in please let me know.