Am I overreacting, partner making comments about my age/appearance as a ‘joke’
I (31 f) have been with my partner (m 32) for several years now, we share a daughter together and a mortgage. I met my partner at both of our first jobs after college. I joined a year after him and upon joining, I got labelled as the most attractive girl in the office by all the guys there. Gross I know, but they were all guys in their 20s. I think this appealed to my partner as he’s always said he got the girl that everyone wants. Part of me thinks that was my only appeal to him really.
Anyway we’ve had a good relationship over the last several years and have grown together. I must admit, after having my daughter which coincided with getting a new but very demanding role, my appearance has slipped. However, his has too. I put on weight, suffered with some acne which has left some scarring on my face and had my wisdom teeth removed which I think has altered my face slightly. Which all on top of a stressful work life and life in general, has made me age and look less attractive over the past 4 years. Over the last few months, we have both made a lot of changes to our lifestyle and have lost weight by hitting the gym regularly and clearing up our diets. Although I’m still not down to my original physique, I’m a comfortable size 10. However, given the physical changes to my face and just generally getting older, I don’t think my face will ever go back to how it was a few years ago. This has left me quite saddened and although I dont necessarily need to be the ‘hottest’ girl, it’s nice to have at least your partner feel that way about you. However, recently I have noticed that my partner has been making comments about my appearance or just general age. For example, there was a song playing the other day in the shop and he was singing along being silly making his own lyrics and made a line referencing ‘my big nose’. I get it was likely a joke and did rhyme with the song but my nose isn’t exactly small and I think since my wisdom teeth removal, it looks even bigger because of the recession of my lower jaw. After that, we then proceeded to go to another shop and I pointed out a lovely skort and said that’s really nice. It was short and something I’d have rocked when I first met him and his comment was like it’s nice but not really something you can wear at 31. That made me feel like crap as before he’d comment on my skirts and how good I looked in them when we first met. On top of that, whenever I forgotten something over the last couple of months, he’s made comments lsuch as you are getting senile ect. He’s made this comment several times over the last couple of months.
As a women who lives in a society where aging women are treated so poorly, it’s devasting to hear someone who I love make these comments towards me. Especially when he always doted on me previously. I would still consider myself young and somewhat youthful so god knows how he’s going to treat me as I get even older. I really thought we’d be a couple forever but I’m starting to think he’s going to be one of those cliche husbands who run off with a younger woman who he deems more attractive.
As you can probably tell, I’m an insecure person and having someone make such comments towards me, hurts me a lot more than someone who’s probably more secure in themselves. I have a number of insecurities that I would love to fix if I could with cosmetic procedures but he’s so against me ever getting surgery/alterations. I can never have them to make me feel younger/better about myself. For example, I have axillary breast tissue by my armpits. The kind of fatty looking tissue that bulges out of nice strappy tops and despite weight loss will never go. I never wear clothes that show my shoulders because I hate them so much. Years ago he made a comment about them when lying in bed together. Nothing to horrible, just pointed them out. The other day, I mentioned I might get a surgical procedure to get rid of them and he blew up calling me vein, saying I’m 31, why would I want to go get that now, saying he doesn’t want to be with someone fake ect. It’s odd because he makes me feel so ugly but yet seems to against me making myself look more attractive. Am I overreacting or am I valid to feel this way?