Performative Rudeness
Having the addict back at home is making remember why I struggled with self harm as a child. If sickness and being bad is what gets rewarded, it was how hoped I would be loved.
My younger sister has Asperger’s. My older sister is an addict. They both get tons of attention for bad behavior. The standards for their behavior is so much lower.
I have to do everything perfectly. Sober. Two degrees. Perfect grades. Job. Marriage. Religion.
While my Q drives home drunk and buys bags of coke.
Q moved back after awhile time away.
I have noticed both my parents will tear me down in order to gain my Q’s trust.
If we are having family discussions, I will be shushed so Q can monopolize the conversation.
My parents will arbitrarily take the side of my Q in any quarrel. My Dad will gain up on me and blame me.
My mom recently aggressively told me to “sit the f*ck down” at the movies with my sisters.
It’s like they are performatively rude to me so Q will trust them.
They can depend on me not to rebel or use drugs and alcohol. They can depend on me to be “the good daughter”. So, I’m used as a sacrificial lamb.
When Q sees the dynamic she titters.
She can get drunk everyday of the week and be esteemed. But,I get screamed at if the toiletries are in the wrong place.
What should I do?