u/Green_Jacket5933

Between 5-9ish, I was molested by a babysitter and his girlfriend. They always talked about how this “special attention” was something they only gave to me and to be honest, it did make me feel special.

Initially, it started out pretty aggressive, I was scared and sometimes in pain. But over time, I began to feel like I enjoyed it, to the point where I’d often initiate and be disappointed if I wasn’t being touched/used when I’d see them. This would be such a regular occurrence, that sex and my desire for it became engrained far too early, but strangely I’m not all that resentful about it, which makes me feel a ton of shame.

Today, I [31M) find myself thinking about it a lot, usually in moments of hyper-sexuality, and it makes me feel pretty gross and shameful.

*Some of this may be triggering*

Like many people, as an adult [32m] I’ve found that my experience being molested for years molded a lot of who I am today.

Some of it, I’d say is positive - I’m non judgmental, open minded, moderately compassionate. But other things aren’t ideal. I’ve found my relationships with women often strained, my sexual proclivities leaning towards weird/problematic, and it’s a pretty isolating experience sometimes which can lead to a feeling of dullness and unfulfillment.

I was molested from around 5-9 on a pretty regular basis. Sometimes I find myself thinking about it more than I’d like, other times it’s almost like I want to think about it, I’ve been in bouts of extreme hyper sexuality and it’s so tough to shake it.

Anyways, it’s isolating and hard to feel any sense of relation to others (although I’m sure many can relate).

Just wanting to vent, open to chat.

I’m [32m] sure some of you can relate to this. I was abused for several years on a pretty regular basis starting around 5. As a result, I’ve developed some less than desired thought patterns, proclivities, etc, that have made my relationships with people, especially women, challenging.

Lately I’ve found myself feeling super dull. Probably due to hyper sexual tendencies and the shame surrounding that.

If anyone can relate, would be great to chat. No judgement whatsoever, just trying to figure this out and stop feeling insane.