r/Molested

When talking with friends or partners and they ask about your ‘firsts’ like who kissed you, touched or got you to orgasm the first time but if you’ve been molested it just feels better to lie and make something up, at least that’s what I always do. Every person I’ve told in my real life hasn’t really understood or is so upset/uncomfortable that I just feel more guilty for bringing it up.

Just want to thank this sub for being non judgmental and being a place where you can get friendly advice. 💜

this is one of my deepest, most shameful secrets. when i was 6/7 years old, i was molested by my sister, who was 15/16. my parents had left to go somewhere and i think it was summer. my sister and i shared a room as well as a bunk bed. i don’t remember how we ended up there but next thing i knew, we were on her top bunk. she had gotten on top of me and told me to take my pants off. she had began doing things to me and i remember feeling so out of my body. she was describing my body parts and touching me. i was more curious than anything, i didn’t know what any of this was at the time, obviously. anyways, things got cut short when our parents came home early i guess. i don’t remember if she said anything to me after. but for about 8 years after this incident, she blackmailed me with this secret. she made me think i had done something wrong, that i would get in trouble. if i was annoying her or didn’t do what she wanted me to, she would say in a sing songy voice “mooommmm guess what (my name) didddd, sheeeee” just like that. it would distress me so badly. i couldn’t even understand what had happened. all i knew was i felt deeply ashamed and guilty. she would hold it over my head continuously. it would scare me so bad i’d start crying.

besides that, my sister had always been quite cruel to me. she would hog the bathroom on purpose when she knew i had to pee. she is the origin of all my main physical insecurities due to her pointing them out all the time when i was younger. such as my broad shoulders, asymmetrical face, and just general body. she treated me like a burden. she would scream at me over the slightest inconveniences. i looked up to her so much, but she despised me and i didn’t know why. i just wanted her to like me. i wanted to be her friend. i mean sure i probably was annoying and cringe but i was just a kid. she would just relentlessly bully me. i would get bullied by my sister, my parents, my peers. i had nowhere to go.

after the molestation took place, i became severely depressed and resorted to the internet. it was somewhere i could go to when i would needed an escape. my sister and i both come from an abusive and toxic household. i discovered online chat rooms like omegle and imvu, which ruined me. i developed a porn addiction shortly after i was molested. i became addicted to talking to men on imvu and showing myself to them and the men on omegle. i just wanted to feel loved and cared for. my mom and sister caught me with my search history so many times but they always just brushed it off. i was a victim of grooming until i was 15.

for years, i felt so disgusting. i still do. it took me so long to piece together what really happened and to realize i wasn’t at fault. i was innocent. i was pure. i will never get that back. i eventually confronted her when i was 15 and the first thing she said was “i didn’t think you’d still remember that” how could i not? she started crying and said she doesn’t know why she did that and that she was a fucked up kid too. but i don’t care. she was so much older than me. i never had thoughts like that when i was 15 even though i was molested.

we now have been roommates with her boyfriend for a few years now. we’ve gotten closer as i’ve gotten older but she still isn’t very nice to me. she only notices my flaws and my mistakes. she can be extremely overbearing since i am so much younger than her. she like parentifies herself. our last bad argument was 2.5 years ago. she grabbed a knife and threatened to kill herself when i brought up what she did to me to her bf. one of her friends also validated my sister on what she did to me. her friend said she sexually abused her mentally disabled younger brother so she’s “been there”. it’s so hard living with her, but it’s either that or live w my narcissistic mom and step dad who also touched me. it feels like walking on eggshells everytime im around her and it doesn’t help that her bf backs her up on everything too. they treat me like im stupid, like i’m a child and not their roommate. we also are both diagnosed bpd but i think due to our upbringing, we have two different reactions to being abused. she’s explosive and confrontational whereas i internalize everything. it’s so painful. just thinking about a potential conflict with her makes my heart race, she genuinely scares me. most of the time, i just agree with whatever she’s saying to avoid anything like that.

i can’t hug my sister without feeling gross. it feels violating. i can’t wait til i can afford to live on my own and never have to see her again. it sucks because she does have a lot of good and admirable traits. but those rare moments of togetherness are not worth the mental anguish i experience living with her. i now suffer from cptsd, bpd, depression, anxiety, and am an extreme people pleaser. i just needed to rant, and am curious if anyone else has a similar experience.

I (M40) was molested by my “uncle” when I was 11-14.

It all started when I was 11. At that time my aunt (my mom’s sister) had just bought a beautiful beach condo off of the gulf coast of Florida, she was married to this man who my parents trusted with all their heart. He was indeed a nice guy and I’m ashamed to say that for a while I called him my favorite uncle. They invited us to spend a couple of weeks with them at the condo during the summer the first few days felt really nice my brother, my cousins, would play a lot at the beach. I’m the youngest of the group. One day though, at the end of our first week there, after being in the water for a while my mom told me to go up and take a shower. Immediately my “uncle” said he was going up with me bc he too wanted to take a shower. In the condo was the 2 of us he said we should shower together to save hot water since there were a lot of us. In the shower he touched me everywhere. My body betrayed me and I got an erection. He showed me what it meant to ejaculate. I still remember his moans in the shower while he masturbated in front of me. I was so confused. Part of me knew that this was wrong but it felt good and that’s the part that I hate. The part that it felt good. I still hate myself for enjoying it. I should have told him I didn’t want it but every time, after that episode in the shower, that he asked me if I wanted to do it again I said yes. Disgusting.

It was always like we were playing a game and if I win he would do oral sex on me, but if he won I had to do it on him. It happened until I was 14 years old. The same over and over again. Until I grew up and started showing more signs of puberty. My pubic hair grew longer and I didn’t look as kid anymore, so he lost his interest in me. And that made me angry… how messed up is this??? It stoped because he lost interest in me not because in me and not because I’ve put an end to it. And I’ll carry that guilt with me until I die.

Fast forward to a few years later. I was 18 and had just moved out of my parents house to go to college, and because of some family drama I was not on talking terms with my parents or with anyone else in my family. But I heard my aunt divorced him. Last time I saw him I was 17 years old and we were at my older cousin’s wedding.

A couple of years ago I heard he had a stroke and I prayed he would die. What person prays for another person to die???

Today my son is about to turn 11 (in August) and I have deep issues with trusting anyone around him. He can’t be anywhere without one of his parents around. My brother’s kids spend days with my parents (we’re in very good talking terms now) and I feel jealous that my nephews and nieces can do that but I can’t even trust him being alone with my parents. My own parents. And I know he feels it too.

I know I’m not alone in this but I still hate myself for wanting him to touch me.

I thought I made peace with her. I stopped hating her, blaming her, punishing her. I accepted that she will always live inside me. There is no cure to this, just acceptance and moving on. Decades of therapy finally worked.

Except I was wrong.

Men are drawn to the broken little girl inside. The good men- the ones who can’t understand how a person can do that to a little girl- get pulled in and are.. fascinated? Intrigued? Want to fix me? But I never feel comfortable with them because they will never fully understand. They have a light in them that I’ll never match.

The predators- they see the broken little girl and understand her. They see the darkness inside me and are drawn to it. I let them in because I feel comfortable and understood. I know they can handle the darkness.

How is it that the older I get, the less I’m able to survive. How is it that I feel so weak after all the shit I’ve been through. What happened to “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? Kelly Clarkson wrote a whole ass song about it. In the very least, isn’t all this therapy supposed to make me stronger? I could have bought a Porsche with all I’ve spent on therapy. At least then I’d be a broken little girl with a fucking cool car.

My mom and I have a very complicated relationship. When I was in my early teens, she began this intense obsession with always talking about rape and stories she saw in the news/online about women/children having been raped and molested (She would talk about this in graphic detail). No matter how much I tried to tell her to stop (It was severely triggering my OCD), she wouldn't stop and would insist in doing it because I "needed to hear it". Because I wasnt "aware of my surroundings". She felt like she was doing me a favor by instilling me with fear and extreme anxiety and convincing me that literally every man was a rapist, but it did far more harm to me than good. I, personally, was never raped but I did have an awful experience of having been groomed online when I was 16 by someone who claimed they were around my age and a girl (ALL of this ended up being a lie. ALL of it). My mom saved me from the situation but severely victim-blamed me for it EVEN to this day. The rape stories have gone down significantly to the point where this obsession of hers isn't so much of an obsession nowadays.

To give context on her personality, my mom is an huge narcissist and very self centered. She lacks a lot of self awareness and doesn't understand how her actions can negatively affect the people around her. If you set boundaries with her, you're the problem and she's the victim. My mother does not like boundaries at all and is an extreme sex-shamer and slut-shamer (While also simultaneously sharing details about her own sex life WITH MY FATHER that NOBODY wants to hear about and makes me extremely uncomfortable). I just wanted to share this and get you opinions on it. Why does my mom feel this is all appropriate behavior? She's denied ever having been molested as a child but her behavior and obsession with rape and rapists throughout my life mimicks the behavior of someone that indeed was. What the fuck good does inundating a child with graphic rape stories supposed to do to their brains and mental health?

It makes me want to hurt myself or the people who hurt me. I wish things never happened to me

I was molested from the ages of 9-12 by my brother who was 16 when it started and 19 when it ended. He definitely knew what he was doing was wrong. I never told my parents or anyone because I didn’t want it to come back on me. I was raised very conservative and very religious and I had already been told I was tempting boys at a young age (I think because I got boobs and a period young). I worked privately with a therapist when I was 19 through the trauma and I have a ptsd workbook that I do that I got when I was raped at 15. The only people that know about my molestation now is my therapist, fiance, and best friend. I have a relationship with my family still, including bother. But I keep him at a distance and only engage with him when I have to.

My brother has 2 kids. They’re younger than I was when it all started and I’m watching for signs of abuse in them but I feel like I’m not doing enough. I never reported it, and I’m terrified to since it would likely implode my family. There’s no statute of limitations for sexual assault and abuse in my country so I easily still could report it but it would turn into a she said he said scenario.

What do I do?? Am I failing my nieces by not reporting this? Should I report it? I don’t want my name dragged through the mud and get even more labels on me. I know I shouldn’t care anymore about the judgement since I’m grown ass adult but I don’t want the messages from people I used to know saying awful things to me, or family, or friends or my brothers friends reaching out upset with me. My brother was creepy to my friends too growing up but no body was assaulted besides me. I don’t know if I’ll be his only victim, I hope I am, but I don’t want to break up a family either if my brother has truly changed. I’m not close with his wife so it’s not like I can even approach and speak privately with her.

I was raped and molested since I was 6 years old by my older brother. The abuse would stop around when I was 11 when I realized what he was doing wasn’t normal.

It first started from him showing me porn. He showed me to give me an idea before he would act on me, but of course being only a toddler, I didn’t know what it meant and I assumed it was normal like he assured me it was. It feels weird but aching to type this out as I’m just looking back into how I felt during that moment and how I would limp into the bathroom during the middle of the night just to look at my underwear and see it soaked from his fluids.

When the abuse stopped and my realization hit, I would assume from this point on, I would become extremely hypersexual and depressed. I craved male-seeking eyes that were willing to hurt me and fill my dark fantasies, I would gain a porn addiction as well and watch things a child shouldn’t be watching. And I feel so disgusting and guilty for saying this, but sometimes I would wish my brother would act on me again just to feel something.

The feeling of being groped and molested sounded amazing. Until he acted on me again at the age of 13 during New Year’s Eve. I still remember that night so clear and how it felt.

I wish he was the only person though. My step-grandfather would also touch me in my private area when I was “asleep”. My step-father would touch me in my private areas and grope my breasts when he knew he had the opportunity. Two of my best-friends who were girls older than me assaulted me as well when I was young, around 7-5. One touched me inappropriately as I slept and the other acted sexual positions on me while touching me inappropriately.

I always wondered why was I such an easy target for people to get what they want from me and then just abandon me? I remember clearly the day I asked my 13-year old self in my head, “am I just a piece of meat to everybody?” And even now, I’m not sure. But things happen, well I try to tell myself that. 🤷‍♀️

Molested from 9-12 and honestly didnt care much from my young teen years to 15ish but i was talking to a friend recently and mentioned how sometimes when im talking to a stranger my mind drifts to imagining them fucking me no matter who it is, and he mentioned it wasnt really normal at all and even weird and i guess it just surprised me. Ive has this since like 13 and its multiple times a day, more with strangers than people i actually know and it’s just made me feel awful since that convo, cld this be a result of being exposed to a lot growing up or am i just a terrible person i feel so guilty i dont know what to do like im objectifying everyone

When I was 12 I was molested I guess by a much older man. The thing is 40 years ago in rural America you didn’t come out. Before even puberty I knew I was into guys and some friends and I would perform oral on each other. I was well into puberty by 12 and I really can’t remember how exactly it started but I remember him rubbing my penis through my pants and me rubbing his quickly it progressed to being at his house and showing him my penis as soon as we got inside and asking to see his. And so on. He never pressured me in to anything. I was a very willing participant. It was the only time I felt secure with my sexual desires. I understand I was preyed upon by him I understand that at that age I should not have been sexually active. I understand that beginning then I began a life of being hyper sexual. But I don’t regret it

Hypersexual because of him

Between 5-9ish, I was molested by a babysitter and his girlfriend. They always talked about how this “special attention” was something they only gave to me and to be honest, it did make me feel special.

Initially, it started out pretty aggressive, I was scared and sometimes in pain. But over time, I began to feel like I enjoyed it, to the point where I’d often initiate and be disappointed if I wasn’t being touched/used when I’d see them. This would be such a regular occurrence, that sex and my desire for it became engrained far too early, but strangely I’m not all that resentful about it, which makes me feel a ton of shame.

Today, I [31M) find myself thinking about it a lot, usually in moments of hyper-sexuality, and it makes me feel pretty gross and shameful.

So I was in the 2nd grade and my dad’s best friend would baby sit me and my two brothers quite a bit. It was our house, another house in the middle, and then his house. He had 3 kids, similar ages to my brothers and I, and we all grew up around each other as young kids-10ish years old maybe.

He would baby sit us so my parents could go on dates. Their marriage was failing so they figured doing this would help. Honestly I didn’t even know what he was doing was molestation because 1. I didnt know what that is and 2. It didn’t feel wrong?

I feel like it happened a lot more than what I can even remember tbh. I was so young. But I’ve also known was sex is my entire life it seems like. Anyways one time he was baby sitting us and we were all in the living room watching tv and it was pretty small I shall add. Him and I were laying on the small love seat couch. He was on the inside and I was on the outside. We were cuddling and he was big spoon. He was grinding and humping me from behind. He says to me reach inside my pocket and grab my lighter. I reach inside his sweats and I can’t grab the lighter but I can feel it. (The lighter was in his pants pockets that were inside the actual pants) and when I put my hand in his pants we made me reach down and I grabbed his penis and it was so sweaty. Well years later two and two came together and I realized he came and made me touch his wet dick through his thin wind breaker material type pants.

Also made me grind on him while we had laying on the couch or my parents bed or his bed. Or would do the motions of fucking me through my clothes. Would be super super nice to me before doing this so Idk was confusing.

Here lately it’s been worse than ever. I’m usually able to shut it down after a few days but it’s been going on for weeks. It’s making me feel so bad because I go through the cycle of getting off to it then I feel awful and ashamed. I feel like it’s never going to go away

My neighbor is my babysitter n he's been like a grandpa to me idk what to do need to talk about it

When I was 8 and my sister was 9 our mom began molesting us and teaching us to do things with her and together. She called it our "girls' times." A few months later our 'girls' time' changed when she began also teaching us to do things with our dad, so it became 'family fun.' They groomed us to think that it was just some private family fun that some families do, so we never really understood that it was abuse, and as my sister and I developed HS we'd also initiate it often either with them or with each other. And since our parents had a few close friends who were also abusing their kids, we saw that and it further reinforced the idea that it was just fun stuff that some families did together.

Now that I'm older (23), I certainly do consider what they did to us abuse and it was wrong for them to do all those things. However, I can't lie and say that it traumatized me, and that's really confusing.

Does anyone else feel this way?

It happened 9 years ago and since its been too long ,telling anyone even feels embarrassing,its just not something i can tell anyone who i know in real life as im embarrased and disgusted with myself i wanna forget but i can’t and its slowly consuming me ,even if i did tell my mother i dont think she would care ,so i just wrote this here cus i wanted to let it out and i have no one to tell irl and its not like its something i can say,i feel ashamed

I'm in my 30s now, I'm a guy. My mom's bf moved in when I was 13. He would sneak in my room at night or pressure me to drink with him. I never told my mom what he did. He got me alone alot. I want to vent/talk about it.

I have not went home in a year and half. I’m in my 30’s and typically would visit my home state 2 - 3 times a year. My dad and step mom are taking it extremely personal. And I understand why they are offended especially my step mom. But as I’ve been in a new space I’ve been thinking about a few things that just bothered me and I’m not sure if they’re big deal or not. I also wonder if I’m just so comfortable in my new life that I’m making these things a bigger deal. Idk. (the new space I’m talking about is healthy/stable period in my life as well as a healthy relationship)

Ok so two things. One - when I just moved in with my dad and my stepmom full time around 14 years old, my dad took me to the doctor. The doctor had me lift my shirt up and bend over and touch my toes. She thought I might have scoliosis. This happened one time at the doctor and never again. After that all the way to my senior year of highschool, late at night typically when my step mom was in the shower my dad would have me come perform the same action. There were times when I would not have a bra on and I would try to cover myself and my dad would say I’m your dad you don’t need to cover yourself. Idk now that I’m older the whole ordeal seems WEIRD! And to be honest I feel like he was self pleasing while I would do this but of course I can’t be sure.

2. One night when I was about 16 I was asleep in my bed. I was either naked or just had a shirt on. Anyways he was drunk when he came home. My step mom went to their room and passed out. He came into my room and was intensely trying to cuddle me and kept saying he missed when I was little girl. I kept forcing him away from me and explaining that I didn’t have proper clothing on. Also we never cuddled so this was just weird. The next day I was at work at he called my work phone made sure I was alone and then apologized, asked if I remembered anything like that happening before - I said no because I really didn’t. And then asked me to not tell my step mom because she would not understand.

Just all weird things where I wasn’t really hurt but still just gross ugh. I never told anybody this stuff and wouldn’t ever feel comfortable enough to confront him about this stuff. I just don’t know am I using these incidents as a justification for not visiting home? I won’t tell anybody this happened because I don’t want to ruin anybody’s image

When I was younger, I had two close people in my life abuse me. I know I’m not broken, and I’ve been to therapy, but every now and then, I get that thought that everyone around me hates me or wants to do something to me. Even though I know it’s not true. The worst part is the aftereffects. I’d be perfectly fine if I wasn’t sexually active, but I’m hyper-sexual. It’s like it disgusts me but feels like I should do it anyway. I hate being touched sometimes and especially hate hugs. Sometimes all I can think about is what happened and how I want to protect others from that. It has gotten better with therapy, but my flashbacks still bug me sometimes. I’ve learned to control them when they start so I don’t go into full episodes.