In my case it was my dad
*** TW ***
I (24F) have been lurking here for a while and I've been off and on about whether to post about my story, so I made this burner account so I could. Thank you to so many of you for showing me that it's ok to share my experiences and feelings about my abuse without being judged.
My dad (50) started with me when I was very young, at least as long as I can remember, so probably 3-4. I know that by 5 it had become a usual thing so that's how I know it happened earlier. My mom and dad divorced not long after I was born and my mother did not want the hassle of raising a kid so my dad had full custody although I visited my mom a few times a year.
My dad never hurt me physically with what we did. No penetration, it was touching, kissing, rubbing, and mutual oral. Over time he got me hooked on orgasms and made sure I was "taken care of" as long as I made sure he was too. I didn't know any better obviously at first, he convinced me that it was a special secret thing between dads and daughters. It wasn't until I was probably around 8 that I realized what we were doing was wrong. But he made me feel so good that I looked forward to our times together and it continued until I was 13.
When I was 9 I told a close friend about what my dad and I did and I could tell by her reaction that her and her dad didn't do it. I quickly laughed and told her I made it up. As far as I know she never told anyone. And it never occurred to me to tell my mom either since we were distant and I figured she knew anyway.
But I'm hypersexual as a result and have to admit to myself that I enjoyed it and also miss it with him. I feel so conflicted about that. The intense feelings of wanting it again yet knowing how society would judge me if I gave in to my feelings.