Nen tappu chesana?, Family Pressure, and a Question I Can’t Answer Logically Anymore
Background for the context :
I am a scientist working in a Government of India defence-related organisation. I got this job at the age of 22. My work involves research collaborations and occasional visits to European countries as part of official projects. I genuinely take pride in contributing to the nation.
Academically, I have always been among the top performers. I was a state topper in multiple competitive examinations I attempted. I mention this not for validation, but because in situations like this, people often reduce everything to “reservation” and ignore years of hard work. Ironically, I never actually used reservation benefits in my academic path until this job.
I also chose this government role because it was my father’s dream. I lost him, and accepting this position felt like fulfilling something sacred for him.
I come from a below middle-class family and belong to an SC community.
My girlfriend**( 9 years of relationship)** comes from an upper middle-class family and belongs to the Chowdary community and both Hindu religion. She works in a major corporate company. We met during B.Tech as friends. Love happened naturally over time without calculations, caste analysis, or social strategy.
At least initially.
Problem or issue:
Everything was good except one variable: caste.
She used to tell me from the beginning that her parents would probably never agree. But honestly, I believed education, careers, values, and mutual respect would matter more in today’s society.
I thought:
- If both individuals are educated,
- financially independent,
- professionally stable,
- from decent families,
- and genuinely care for each other,
then what exactly remains as the problem?
Apparently, society has a different answer.
Current Situation :
Her parents have completely rejected the relationship.
There has been:
- emotional breakdowns,
- continuous crying,
- pressure from relatives,
- threats from extended family,
- and even statements like “we will kill him or you if needed.”
Some relatives told her:
- her siblings’ marriages will get affected,
- society will isolate their family,
- relatives will stop talking to them,
- and that “people won’t accept him even if you leave the country.”
The painful part is this:
Her parents are not evil people.
They genuinely love her. She deeply loves them too. In another social environment, maybe they would have accepted me. But fear of society, caste identity, social reputation, and generational conditioning seem stronger than individual morality.
From my side, my mother is terrified too. I am her only son. She accepted my girlfriend despite all differences, but now she is scared about what this conflict could become.
And somewhere in between all this, two people who simply loved each other are watching their families suffer because of it.
The Question I Cannot Solve :
As someone trained in science, I always believed problems could be solved logically.
But this situation has broken that assumption.
Should people check caste before loving someone?
If yes, then what exactly is love?
Wouldn’t that make relationships more like selecting a socially compatible product from a marketplace rather than building a human connection?
At what point does society become more important than individual happiness?
And if two educated families with stable careers still cannot cross caste boundaries peacefully in 2026, then what exactly did education modernize?
What I Actually Want:
I do not want to “win” against her family.
I do not want to separate her from her parents.
I do not want anyone to suffer because of me.
I genuinely wanted a situation where:
- she remains connected to her family,
- her parents eventually accept us,
- my mother feels secure,
- and we build a peaceful life without hatred.
But reality seems far harsher than the idealistic world I believed existed.
Final Question:
I want brutally honest opinions.
Especially from people who are older, married, or have seen society more closely than I have.
If she were your sister or daughter:
- what would you think?
- what would you fear?
- and what would you do?
I am asking this sincerely because maybe I am still naive about how deeply caste operates in Indian society, even among educated people.