Hi, me again....
Just as the title says, after 8 years of not hearing anything from the person who groomed me when I was 15 and he was 25, he suddenly showed up in the comments of a Facebook group that I frequent a lot.
I had him blocked everywhere and he even deleted his old accounts but created a new one this month.
I talked to the admins and they banned him. A friend of mine also spoke with the admins of other groups with the same theme, just in case he tries to migrate there.
I don't know if it was coincidence or destiny, but it shocked me in a horrendous way. I am currently 23, but I felt, and still feel, exactly like that 15-year-old girl being manipulated and used to get sexual content.
My history with this person was horrible, full of emotional abuse and deceit. This person is an open pedophile and confessed it to me back then, but he would also tell me that he would never hurt a child—when ironically, he was doing exactly that to me. He was very obsessed with making me watch a documentary called "I am a pedophile, not a monster," but he was a monster.
In the conversations we used to have, he would mention that he had friends who shared CSAM with him. At the time I didn't think about it and my mind blocked it out, but now I know the reality is that I was also used as currency among them.
This happened yesterday, but I am having an emotional breakdown. I am having flashbacks and unlocking extremely painful memories.
I exposed him publicly on my personal Facebook profile for my friends to see, but to do it, I had to look through our conversations from back then to gather proof...
I feel violated all over again. Used. Like a piece of meat. I don't want to eat, I can't sleep, and I refuse to shower because I feel completely disgusted by my body. I don't see my 23-year-old body; I see my 15-year-old body from those pictures.
This abuse is not the only one I've suffered, and he wasn't my only abuser. I have been abused since I was in the single digits, but I lost track of all of them. I don't even remember the names or faces of some because my mind blocked them out. But seeing him in a place I considered my safe space felt like being shot at point-blank range.
I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, depression, anxiety, and I am also autistic. Everything is completely overwhelming me right now.
He is blocked, he is banned from the groups, and I am supposed to feel better, but I feel incredibly miserable. I feel so much shame, I feel humiliated...