Oh man this may be a lot but whoever reads this... thank you.
I can't afford therapy and have no one else to talk to for specific reasons so I figured to seek answers on here since it seems like people on reddit have an answer for literally everything. Ok so, I won't add every detail but long ago back in 2016 I moved to a small town where I ended up meeting someone though I never had any intentions on dating her but I did because I honestly felt alone after moving across country which sounds horrible to do but I was a junior in high school at the time.. so of course we began dating and it was cool. She was a nice person though she came from a broken family as her mom was on her second marriage since she was a cheater and also crazy but anyway we dated and like I said it was going good until she started revealing her true colors being very clingy, always upset or crying about something... I'm not saying I was perfect because I'm far from it but I did try my best to look past it even though I feel like I could have had more patience looking back at it but I didn't. But just a couple examples literally everyday she needed to hang out with me which was fine after a while but one day I wanted to be alone on a day off school and play video games she was really upset and I ended up kinda feeling bad and told her to come over in which she did and I had a whole set up on the couch with food waiting for her so she could be next to me while I enjoyed my game but of course she got upset and another time (not going back to when we first started dating), we went to Chuck cheese because why not and he played this pirate game which was a lot of fun and maybe 5 months later we ended up going back again and I wanted to play that same game with her again because it reminded when we first started dating and she was upset to do that. Just some examples. Anyway, we dated for over a year and there was times our arguments became very aggressive in a sense where I'd try to leave the car to not deal with it and she grabbed my arm tightly and screaming was involved and though I could have been better, she always seemed upset and was constantly worried she'd lose me which I always had to reassure her but after a while what more could I say or do? I ended up losing feelings and unfortunately, I ended up dumping her though I didn't want to make the first move because I never broke up with anyone before and didn't want to live with regret in case I did feel that one day.... then after weeks of her spamming my phone saying cruel names to me and about her and all these, she eventually got another boyfriend and began showing up at my work with him and her sister walking past purposely which I found childish and later I got in contact with her sister for some reason which I forgot why but she'd tell me her sister (my ex) and her new boyfriend would literally argue though they just started dating. So, after some time I began feeling bad and regret like damn did I make a mistake ? So here's where it gets really weird. Now in 2026 this year. Recently all those memories with her came flooding back and idk why even though its been so long and I'm married to my high school sweetheart that I dated for 6 months sophomore year of high-school but we of course broke up... that's another story but anyway I'm happily married now and she's amazing and too good for me to be honest but yeah idk why I'm feeling this way and I did find out she has 2 kids which I assume is with that same guy from what I have learned but I also learned they may be co-parenting? Which idk how true that is but then again wouldn't be surprised. Like I said idk why I'm feeling this way and I know I shouldn't and I feel bad for feeling this way mostly because I'm married. So... yeah.... and there was a lot more stuff I found out with my ex which could point to a lot of things of how my future would have turned out if I never left her.